We were sitting in a bar we like to frequent. Though I've only known her a short while, we've both been coming to this place for years.
A guy approaches our table. I've seen him around over the years. Disheveled clothing, obvious physical disorder of some type that has twisted him and made his speech garbled but recognizable.
I've always had an easy time ignoring him. Let me say that again, because it pains me…I've always had an easy time ignoring him.
He's one of those you don't want to look at too much. )what does that say about me? It says a lot(.
So he approaches the table.
AG lights up! She is beaming, throwing her arms around him, hugging, kissing his cheek. "I just love this man!," she exclaims.
I watch as they talk for a while. She hasn't seen him for a long time.
She introduces me and we chat, then he leaves.
I have never seen anyone do that with this man. Usually he just kind of 'slinks along', keeping to himself, staying out of the way.
I've told you AG is spiritual. But this revealed to me how huge her heart is. She is a beautiful woman. She could act aloof and I'd have hardly noticed it.
It's dangerous for me to talk about 'heart' and her, or any 'working girl' for that matter. I know the stakes. Still, she projects energy, and she feels and senses energy. Sex with her is an incredible exchange of kundalini energies. She doesn't call it 'kundalini' but it *is* every bit that and it dominates our sessions.
Having heart. Having sex. Dangerous combo. Love wants to enter the picture. That's a recipe for pain. I remain very skeptical of her feelings, I have to. I'm intuitive, and I sense stuff. But I'm also NOT objective with her. So I have to watch it.
This is a comfortable balance for me.
But when a woman shows me such heart. God, I have to respect her for that. And it has caused me to think about my own judgmental tendencies.
I don't like this path. I don't like having to mistrust someone. Not that it wouldn't be any different in the 'civilian world'. Sex with non working girls is still fraught with deceit, manipulation, and calculation. "Does she want my money?", "does she just need a 'stunt dick'?", "is she lying?", "is she hiding a boatload of Crazy?".
I see this in guys who are re-entering the dating world. They are up against all kinds of manipulation and deceit to the point that they are quite vocal about it in web forums.
And yet, here is AG. Her motivations are her own, god knows. But she opens herself so brightly at the slightest prompting.
I've told her that , when describing her to others I say "She is pretty, she is sexy, and she GLOWS".
When I see her, swear to god, she glows. When I knew her before we were 'dating' she didn't glow. But now she does.
I'm keeping my feelings at bay. Don't want to get hurt again. But there's room for me to admire the person she is.Source: https://www.aneros.com/blogs/aneros-girl-showed-me-something/