“All-Aboard The SR Express!”

Ultimately, the choice whether or not to remain in chastity remains with me. Yesterday, in Day 8 of semen retention, I thought it would be “fitting” to end this current SR “run” on Valentine’s Day. I even “nudged” my wife to help finish-me-off. But apparently, she had another idea. She started out caressing my enlarged package and I thought I would finally reach my goal. But she had another plan and so, after about 10 minutes, I was left still in chastity and possibly with a case of the blue-balls pending. How frustrating but yet arousing at the same time!

I decided to sleep in my XO ProCup overnight to avoid any temptation; I was still feeling like I needed to ejaculate and so I could not tempt an unintentional release.

Later-on in the evening, I was awakened by a rather arousing erection within the cup and I felt kind of close to the PONR. I went to the bathroom and then decided to switch gears—I put-on my Duke swimmer’s jockstrap and a pair of my Perry Ellis silky briefs—a nice combination! I went to lie-down on my comfortable sofa, but without music this time around.


Fantasy or Reality?
I began to relax and possibly wait for another erection. But then, something quite unexpected happened. I began to dwell on a “fantasy” with imagery so real that perhaps the line between reality and fantasy was blurred for a while. Here is what developed…..

Riding the Rail

I have had a blog on and off for 14 years. My blogs have been both here and in other forums and on Word Press. Between all 4 blogs I had 10,000 subscribers and 800 pages (single space) of 600 + entries. That 14 year written log was a weekly diary of my sex life, what I was thinking, doing and feeling during that entire time. It also inspired a complete erotic novel and 2 others that are in the works.

That written record has been incredibly useful to me now as a tool to read and reflect on where I have been, what experiences I had and what I learned. All of the times, dates and details I have written here in this latest blog came from that written record. The timeline nature of this blog and the perspective that I am offering in these entries is a summary of lessons learned. In the context of all the entries I came to realization that my 9th year was a turning point in my journey.

An Unexpected Surprise!

Monday night, I received a little surprise. My kids are grown up and moved out, so when my wife and I separated, the only custody issue we had was the dog. It was my turn to host the mutt for a few days, so I wasn’t planning anything, as she sleeps on my bed and takes up more than her fair share. Ever notice how dogs do that? Anyway, I got into bed, (the portion I was allowed) and laid down on my stomach to sleep like I always do. I thought I would do some kegels, since I’ve been enjoying the fitness aspect and the knowledge that these exercises will help me with my journey. I had read a couple of entries by BigGlansDC and decided to start with step one and two. I completed the exercise and as usual, played a little movie in my head to drift off to. This time I was thinking about the wood walkway I was going to build in the near future. Suddenly, I felt a little wave starting! So I totally relaxed, and did some slightly deeper breathing. The wave built up, but didn’t turn into anything huge, but just pleasant. What was bigger for me was the fact that my Progasm was safely tucked away in her bed on the dresser, and I had done this with about 3 minutes of kegels. During the day, while I was driving and doing errands, I would do some and I could feel a little flutter in my lower abdomen. It’s day 3 of SR, and I was masturbating at least every other day, sometimes, two or three days in a row. I think that holding off on my TO’s is definitely helping.
So I did a few more contractions, and a few minutes later, I had another one! I’m so overcome that I’m discovering the unleashing of this power after only 7 days!

The first few days

In the beginning, there was darkness. Hmm. I think maybe that one’s been taken. Try this. I remember my first sexual experience. It was dark, I was afraid, I was alone. Hmm. Not much better. Okay, focus here. My story, insofar as it relates to this part of my journey starts about two years ago. Being a 50 year old male with a healthy sex drive, but a less than healthy marriage, I knew the end was near. I started exploring other facets of sexuality and came across this phenomena known as the Prostate Orgasm. My only experience with the prostate to date was that lovely once a year date with my doctor. (Where do I hang up my pants, Doc? Over there beside mine!) A nitrile glove slathered with enough ice cold lube to float an ocean liner had me convinced that there was really nothing up that dark alley that could make me feel good.
Nonetheless, I decided to look into it further and stopped in at the Stag Shop to peruse their selection of toys for men who wanted to expand their horizons. I let myself be talked into buying a small anal vibrator for about 30 bucks. It was very basic, powered by a bullet that slipped into the massager. I read up on how to relax, use a pillow and keep a towel handy. All I got for my efforts was a lubed ass, and trace amounts of precum. But my next bowel movement came out quite quickly, so there is that. I guess.
Fast forward to January of this year. I’ve been out on my own for some time now and decided that I had the time and privacy to look into this subject again. I had scavenged the bullet, taking parts to fabricate a blender/ice crusher. Sadly, that brought me more pleasure than the original manifestation!
On to the Stag Shop website, where I looked again at a veritable cornucopia of passive and dynamic arse and prostate toys. I settled on something called the Aneros Progasm. The name Progasm just clicked with me. Hey, it sounds like Orgasm! So, I based my first serious choice of tool on word association! Boldly, I clicked ‘Add to Cart” and sat back to wait.
Or did I? I had started reading up again on this subject, and found out that I need not wait, twiddling my thumbs. There was something less effective, known as external massage. So that evening, I put some erotic porn on the tablet, and lay back and got busy. I was surprised to find that although it is not effective, what with the prostate being buried deep behind skin and muscle, I still was able to get something from it. It was small and very localized, centered around the perineum. Numb, yet tingly. After two of those, I proceeded with a T.O. and it felt a little more fulfilling. The ejaculate was thinner, whiter and a little more powerful. The next night, I tried again but I must have pushed a little too hard the night before, as things were a little tender. Just the same, because I’ve got a very healthy libido, I finished off with a T.O.
Wednesday, 30th January 2019, 1600 hours. Our intrepid Shadow66 enters his local postal outlet and nods to the clerk behind the counter. They exchange pleasantries in Cantonese, but since neither of them speak Cantonese, it’s all lost in translation. (Ooh! Ooh! Just had a thought! Remember at the beginning of that movie when Scarlett Johansson is lying on the bed in sheer panties, ass facing the camera? Oh yeah baby! Lock that one away in the internal hard drive for later!)
Back on point here, sex-fiend! Our hero returns home where he carefully and savagely removes the wrapper and opens the box. He is temporarily blinded by the 10,000 Lumen beam of light emanating from the box. He pauses and looks around the room, trying to locate the source of the heavenly choir singing Hallelujah! He slowly and carefully removes the Progasm from it’s nest.
Wow! This thing is pretty hefty. And big! Maybe not the Anal Intruder from the movie Top Secret, but it looks like putting it in me arse will be like running an SD70 locomotive through a 1920’s tunnel.
That night I shower and clean up the portal, grab the seductive, grown up, more realistic porn, as opposed to the juvenile look-at-beach-balls fakery so prevalent nowadays. Something about an amateur wife moaning and stroking herself to a genuine hip-bucking, sheet-thrashing O is so much hotter than the alternative. My selections are more for the audio aspects anyway. Less distracting and more opportunity to build the set and situation in my mind. I think I’d better move on, since I’m starting to feel a little too horny to type properly.
I lube up aith some KY liquid at the door and on the Progasm. Position is paramount here people! And breathing. And relaxing. It goes in surprisingly easy. So, it’s time for darkness, breathing aaaand, nothing. For 3 hours, nada! Patient and relaxed for 3. freakin. hours. I can feel it in there. It’s not terribly comfortable. So I finish off with a T.O. while it’s still inside. I do notice that when I stroke myself up, the head is shiny and red, much like when wearing a cock ring. So the head is bigger, and it takes twice as long to finish, but the shot is powerful enough to knock the spider out of the corner of the ceiling, and it’s thin and whiter, so obviously, I’m clearing out the junk and such from my prostate.
Thursday night is the same. No pleasure. But at this point, as per Aneros’s packaging, I find the forum and start lurking. I end up trying this Progasm for most of the night, trying to sleep with it in. It’s heft works against me as I find it trying to slip out when I walk around. I finally take it out, and try it again early the next morning. Again, no fireworks and I finish off with the usual T.O.
Saturday afternoon, I’ve registered for the forum and start reading some more. I see a couple of notations that catch my eye. 1: the Progasm is more for expert level and I should be looking at something like the Helix. 2: the Progasm needs lots of lube. It’s Saturday afternoon, baby it’s cold outside and I’ve got some time to dedicate to further hands-off research. This time, with nothing better to use, I break out the Vaseline Intensive care. I know that it’s a petroleum (oil-based) jelly but let’s get after it! Between the coating on the Progasm and my butt, I could Tokyo Drift around the hairpins at Nurburgring! I slide this Exxon Valdez in and immediately it feels better than the last time. The lube provides a soft cushion, a buffer between the massager and the prostate, instead of just the hard plastic. With the audio playing in the background and some belly breathing and kegels, I start to work. I’m not paying attention to the clock so I don’t know how long I’ve been there. I’ve stopped the kegels, I’ve stopped the special breathing, and I’m kind of dozing very lightly. I can feel something happening. I can’t describe it exactly as I’ve never felt anything to compare it to. It’s like a sheet of sensation over my body, my abdomen and chest, even in my lips. It’s numb, yet tingly, and I can hear my heart beat. It’s not beating much faster, but I can hear it. My body seems to be shutting out external sounds, wiping out entire frequency ranges. I no longer hear the cat snoring nearby, and I barely hear the ceiling fan. I know I’ve got a little smile on my face, and I’m feeling very peaceful and calm. Oh, yeah. This is feeling pretty cool. Not as good as the 3 or 4 seconds during the peak of a T.O., but it’s lasting longer. How long, I can’t say, but probably a good 30 seconds. I’m letting myself get into the moment, and not trying to analyze it. It fades away and I breath a big contented sigh. It’s not a Super O, but it’s a new experience and I’ve enjoyed it. I roll over onto my other side and since the tablet is now closer, I can hear the beautiful woman moaning and gently stroking right by my face. I’m fantasizing about her laying in front of me, face to face, and after a while, I realize that it’s happening again, about the same time that I realize that I’m not even listening to her. I’m in my little cocoon and I can feel the same sensations rolling over me. I feel something beating a tattoo on the bed, and I think at the moment that the cat is scratching herself. Only later do I realize that the cat never moved. I was gently vibrating on the bed.
After this second experience, I glance at the clock, and decide to run errands. When I get up, I notice that there is a squirt mark on the towel that is a little damp. I didn’t feel it happen and that’s the way I want it to go. Just let things happen. But Saturday night, after a cleansing shower, I decide to try again. I’ve noticed that I only have to do kegels for a while and not all the way up to onset. Must research this more. I’ve also decided not to have any audio stimulation, but instead do some gentle, non-distracting fantasizing. I breath deeply for about 15 minutes or 2 years; not really sure, since I’m not watching the clock. I also do the exercises during this time, drawing tight, holding for 3 seconds and then slowly releasing. I get a small localized sensation in the perineum again, but even as I relax more, it goes away. I get a couple of smaller versions of the sensations I had earlier that day. And then, after time passes, I get a bigger one again. This time, it’s a little bigger than the afternoon. I let my head roll back a bit, and I gently smile, knowing that it’s a good thing, and I’m open to it, and I welcome and want it to envelop me and take me wherever it goes. My eyes are closed and oddly, I can see the darkness slowly rotating in my mind. Soft dots of lights, like distant stars are present. My penis is getting stiff, and I’m lazily chuckling in the back of my mind. It eventually fades but I know it was a little more intense.
I roll onto my stomach, which is my sleeping position, and over the next little while, I feel 3 more times, lesser sensations beginning and then quickly fading.
Now it’s time to get up, have a dart and a drink of water and do some reading. I’ve already ordered the Helix Syn and now I’m reading that abstinence makes the prostate grow fonder. So it’s Super Bowl Sunday, and I’m going to swear off T.O.’s for a while and swear off prostate massage until the Helix comes in. In the meantime, I’ll practice my kegels and breathing. Next update coming up soon.

Rewiring and Awakening

We all talk of rewiring as a milestone, and it is but there is more than rewiring in this journey I am on. I believe that there is another milestone that follows rewiring, that milestone I call sexual awakening. Following awakening there is an ongoing process of discovery and evolution in which the true nature of my sexuality and sexual response is revealed to me. Being a research kind of guy, I have spent the last ten years reading the forums and blogs with my perception in mind and I believe I am just recognizing a process we all are experiencing. Our posts reinforce my thought.

Rewiring for me (one year into Aneros) sensitized my brain to sexual pleasure, connected my brain to my sexual pleasure organs, it introduced me to sexual pleasure organs I didn’t know I had and it altered my sensory and perceptive ability. With that under my belt the next 7 years were spent in a learning process; reading, experimenting, testing myself, writing and talking with peers. That 7 year time span was an evolutionary process that culminated in year nine with my awakening.

Awakening for me was acknowledgement of my sexuality in all its dimensions. Awakening gave me the courage to exercise my sexual proclivities that I uncovered in the seven years prior. Beyond the discovery of new and unexpected dimensions to my sexuality, awakening removed the subconscious stigma I had imposed on myself for aspects of my sexuality I was either ashamed of or afraid to admit or acknowledge. I know now that I feared the ramifications of admitting them to myself. My attraction to cocks and sex with men is one of these proclivities and my exhibitionist tendencies is another.

On Getting My Man Pussy

This nine year watershed was very significant for me in this journey for many – many reasons. That is why it is getting this recognition in the narrative. Nine years was a defining period in the trajectory of my sexuality. Aneros and MMO bent the arc of my sexuality in a manner that made it almost unrecognizable from what it once was. Sexuality and male sexual response is a complex part of my humanity; it is biophysical and it is psychological. The two are inextricably interwoven. In plain terms that means that my sexuality is a dance of my mind and my body, carefully choreographed by external factors. Aneros has been a huge external factor for me.

I am a man, obviously I have a penis. In sexual activity my penis gets erect so it can be proactive and thrust in fucking. In sexual practice for me over the 40 years of my active sex life that translates to me being the active agent. I drove the love making. In plain terms, my cock is designed to harden so it can penetrate her vagina and with thrusting create sensations that triggers my body to pump semen into her vagina. We did that hundreds and hundreds of times. That biological urgency creates in my mind a psychological dimension to match the biological function. I have to be proactive and cause pleasure by my conscious actions. I thrust my pelvis penetrating her vagina; it felt good. Fucking her turned me on and made me ejaculate; me thrusting and fucking her gave her pleasure in the process. My conscious actions and the pleasure I cause results in ejaculation and her orgasm.


My doctor decided to take me off the meds as my BP and Cholesterol did not test out any lower. Funny thing is, now off the meds my BP is averaging a little lower and my cholesterol is testing lower too 🙂 But then I’ve been getting quite a bit more exercise. Wife and I have decided to continue with the sexless marriage, at least until she is totally done with her perimenopause phase – which has been going on for years. Once she goes into true menopause, then there will be no need for birth control eg condoms and we may both feel like re-starting things – especially Karezza as it would be easier on her – given dryness. Truth be told, I am actually turned on by the sexless marriage thing – it fans my homoerotic side somehow 🙂 Right now I would like to explore my bi side online with other like minded men of a similar age and in a similar situation.

Year Nine Milestones, Plateaus and Pinacles

The MMO journey I have been on started in 2005. Along the way there have been so many milestones and experiences, they would be impossible to remember if it were not for the fact that I recorded them in an on line journal I began in 2011. Each milestone or event has been a building block that created a foundation for the sexual rapture I routinely experience now. The building and learning process was precipitous those first few years. Because I was learning and experiencing so much there were literally hundreds of sensations, techniques and changes in my sexual response in the first 9 years. Some of these I have shared here in this forum, but I am sure that if I were to try to relate them all it would be impossible.

However, year nine was special. I reached a plateau or a pinnacle in my 9th year in 2013. It was a watershed year that solidified MMO and anal pleasure in my sex life. There were several skills – achievements that I will relate here in this entry; there were also some major event – milestones that deserve detailed descriptions. I will focus this entry on the skills and achievements and the next several entries on the numerous remarkable sexual events of 2013.

What a weekend. Probably fifty SO’s

Started a new job. It really keeps my mind occupied so I don’t get very wound up prostate wise during the week. Prostate
came to life with a vengeance this weekend.

Yesterday, Saturday, on my way in I started playing with my nipples in the car. Had at least four A-less in the twenty five miles
to work. When I got home I sat down and started playing with my nipples again. At this point I was wound up pretty well so getting
off another eight or so was no problem. Later, my wife went out so I got about forty-five minutes with my PS-New. This worked
like it never has before. Wasn’t long before the fun started and I had at least another fifteen if not twenty.

Today I started with the Progasm Black-Ice. Wasn’t a minute until I had my first SO. After twenty minutes or so and probably fifteen
SO’s. I switched to the PS-New. WHAM! Things started going again. after five or so SO’s with it I switched back to the Progasm.
After a little while it was back to the PS-New. Had a good SO probably every minute through this session. Some incredible, some
not so incredible but still good.

I found the PS-New moves a lot more than the Progasm which I think helps in its performance. Used to be I felt it was too long and
was uncomfortable but that has passed.

current findings & updates

Latest updates. Some findings, things I’m going to do different, kind of long.

Got helix all polished up, ultra shiny and as smooth as progasm jr. Going to do a little more to see if I can get that deep glass look, almost there. Joining is so much easier, glides in so smoothly and takes hardly any lube unlike before. I have also changed over to using just straight silicone lube, ‘wet anal’. Only takes .3cc prelube and a drop on the tool spread out to go all night, plus because of the molecular make up it is not absorbed into the skin, molecules are much larger than water based lubes so no drying out or having to reapply on those long sessions. A side benefit is it makes the skin feel smooth and supple even after cleanup.

I think I am starting to get a feel for my rhythm. Whether pre ejac release or full on refractory ejac I have an every other day cycle, ie day 1 nothing, day 2 things start to get moving, day 3 slightly more than nothing but not much, day 4 really picking up, day 5 caries on from day before. day 6 ok but not great, day 7 getting better but seems to plateau but duds seem fewer but not great. So based on these findings and my previous experiment I was going to start doing light pressure releasing, just enough to keep things flowing.