Thanks to the guy who gave me my writing bug back…
So I know a lot of guys here are into what some (mostly Americans) find as "alternative" sexual practices. I don't view it as alternative but hey…I'm just one fish in the ocean. I also know there are many men who wish their wives (or spouses or mates or partners pick your word and use it) were more into it with them. Now keep in mind I'm not a doctor or any of that crap. I'm just a woman who has been in enough relationships and talked openly with enough women that at the moment I feel like putting some ideas out there for you all to ponder on. There is no way I can cover all scenarios so this will be pretty general. If you want specifics…hunt me down lol (don't literally use the inbox dummy!!!). So with that said this first part will be on the most fundamental aspect of why a lot of women are hesitant about this topic…themselves…and how they feel about themselves.
You might think well what does what she thinks about herself have to do with her pleasing my prostate? A whole lot. Women operate a little differently (at least a lot of them) than men when it comes to ideas about sex. For instance I have experienced most men don't really care about if they look sexy before during etc…it has no bearing on if they will be turned on or not. It has no bearing if they desire sex or not…men are wired to desire it for the most part, when they don't usually something is off in one way or another. Women on the other hand a lot of things has to be in line before we can even desire sex let alone be adventurous during. Since most feel this is a "sensitive" (personally I think adults should be adults and realize that prostate play is not only fun but needed…stop being a pansy about it) topic they broach it so softly if at all they miss a lot of the ground work that needs to be laid. So lets start at ground level and try to use common sense.
There are crucial things you need to know about your mate (and that they need to know about you). How were they raised? What did their parents tell them about sex if anything? What were some of their first views (or experiences good & bad) on sex and have those changed or not? Do they have self esteem issues, body issues, etc…? If so did they exist when you met them or did they develop afterwards? Does your partner feel they can bare their soul to you? In other words do they still feel safe if they are in a vulnerable position around you?
So what does how they were raised have anything to do with them all these years later? A lot. If a person was told very conservative ideas about sex it most likely is deeply engrained in them. They have known their parents or guardians most likely longer than they have known you, they were at one point (and sometimes still are) thus have a very large impacting influence. Not to say it cant be changed but there will have to be some effort on that persons part. They will have to make a shift in their thinking. I want to impress heavily you can not simple DO this for them…they have to want it. I don't want to make it seem it is a lost cause because its not, it can be tackled without too much effort but effort will need to be applied. If she is hesitant about anal (whether it be hers or yours) find out why. Don't ask in the middle of sex acts…communicate outside of the bedroom first. Take time to just talk with no pressure about why she feels the way she does about anal. Now she may at first not want to answer constructively or just brush you off with answers like I just don't, or I don't know, or I don't want to talk about it. Those are not answers and don't accept them. You have to talk through it, if not right at that moment at another moment but soon. Do not put it off, its pertinent. You also deserve to at least have answers (in my opinion you deserve an open honest and willing spouse as well and you can work towards that without being an asshole as well). At the end of the day if you love each other there shouldn't be much you wouldn't do for one another. If you really do reach an impasse (on any topic)…you have to ask yourself…what does that really say about your partner and/or your relationship (don't stay in the dark…for some there will be some discoveries made and they may not be good, never fear though be courageous fear is for the weak).
Previous anal experiences I've found have been one of the main reasons a lot of women stay away from anal later in their adult life, especially if that experience was a bad one. See lots of times women are just as curious as guys when they are young, but after a bad experience they don't want to go back to it. The easiest way to combat that is through slow but steady persuasion. Sometimes comfort and caring goes a lot farther than people are willing to admit. If she feels comfortable with you and trusts you and knows you don't mean her any harm more than likely she is willing to go along with ideas you have for the bedroom. Also have your shit together….don't come to her with half asses ideas you haven't thought out or planned out…that makes the situation worse. Its kind of like oh he wants me to go along with this but he has NO idea what the hell he's doing or wants. Also try to instill in her that the reason you want her to do these things to or with you is because she is the object of your desire. She's your greatest fantasy and nothing gets better, its not just the act…its more that she is the one preforming or helping with that act (whether its session participation, prostate massage, pegging, whatever…). Also when you do get into it…don't hold back your reactions…if she does something that feels good tell her, if she does something that sexy tell her…give the incentive more than likely she will lavish in your excitement.
Now onto the one I think a lot of women struggle with. Self esteem and self image issues. For men the desire to fuck usually has no bearing on how attractive (or unattractive) they are. Women though…different story. Often times a woman looks pretty good but she still may see herself differently. She sees flaws and doesn't want anybody else to see them either (whether physical or otherwise). You might think she is perfect…but in her mind if she doesn't think that…lots of times that as a direct impact on sexual prowess. I've struggled with this personally. After I fixed those issues I noticed my libido increased drastically. Now I didn't solve my self image issues to have more sex I fixed them because they needed fixing the other was just a bonus. If a woman doesn't feel sexy and free about herself and have an overall positive air about herself she wont want to go into the sexual scenarios really. Insecurities bleed over into all aspects of life, work, relationships, sex, parenting, mentality, personality, everything. When those blocks are there I'm sorry to tell you they need to be removed first. Whatever needs to be done. A man can help by complimenting every and anything on a very frequent basis. This works on the brain as she will hear positive things more often than negative things. Believe it or not women tend to repeat negative mantras and those have to be unwound in order to make any progress in the right direction. Sometimes compliments and the like aren't enough, sometimes there needs to be professional involvement…I know don't want to go that far…but sorry I advocate people kill the beast that's holding them back vs. live a lower quality of life dwelling on the negative.
The trust issue in a relationship also plays a part. Sometimes a woman doesn't really want to enter into sexual things often due to her not being totally comfortable with you. Not saying she wont screw you, but when you think of sex for women its ALWAYS internal. Think logically about this, a woman has no choice but to be penetrated, whether its oral, vaginal, or anal the woman is always penetrated (we're talking male female partnerships). For men unless its something involving anal its ALWAYS external. There is nothing wrong with that, one has to stay in perspective though. I think because the Aneros is so internal that's why lots of men say they finally get it now, they are able to relate more with their female partners on a deeper level. For a long time I didn't want to consciously accept the fact that I didn't totally trust my partner enough to allow certain sex acts. I think it was the same for him, he showed hesitation towards pegging…I know now he didn't trust me fully and thought I'd hurt him or worse. I felt the same about anal sex with him. It took a clear and concise conversation about what we both wanted out of those things and what we would and would not accept and how we would go about it. It also took for both of us to agree that if at any point either felt uncomfortable we would abort the mission immediately. Get the fears out on the table whatever they are and handle them one by one and as they arise.
In closing I'd like to say stop believing the notion that women in general are not into what men are into sexually. We are, its usually boils down to just a few things that creates these myths. Education for a lot of women clears up a lot of things…I've turned the women around me into male ass chasers…they just needed to know the facts. Check out this blog by Aneros members Scumby and his wife Organcrackle http://www.allkinksconsidered.com its a stellar view into a very honest relationship and how they tackle being open honest and sexy with each other. Stay tuned this is jus the beginning…
Source: https://www.aneros.com/blogs/why-shes-not-on-board-part-1/