hopeless and desperate for advice

8 comments

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2. How long have you been at it? And do you have the plastic Helix or the silicone one?

3. Stop jacking off for a week or two. Try every 2-3 days. No porn. Fantasize. Touch yourself elsewhere, gently. Try to keep your mind focused on sensation. The moment you feel a small sensation, see if you can amplify it by mini contractions.

4. r/Mindgasm (and some thc if you do that and it’s allowed where you are)

5. Here are my thoughts fwiw on what may be hindering your progress.

   First off, arousal is a huge component so you may be doing yourself a disservice by jacking off so frequently. When I started a year ago, I abandoned conventional jacking off and would only do it to close a session. And not always. If you’re not feeling aroused it’s going to be tougher progress. So first things first would be to abstain from jerking off to allow your sexual energy to grow and lack of arousal to not be an issue. Then, try and play when something arouses you and you feel sexually charged. It’s easy to schedule a session once you get the hang of it as preparing for a session eventually becomes plenty arousing on its own.

   Next thought is you’re over analyzing the approach. 50% contraction is pretty strong and it’s also rather a formulaic approach. By all means contract your pelvic muscles but I’d recommend doing it lightly and playfully. Bounce the contractions like you’re skipping down the road without a care in the world. Next, couple your playful squeezes with something that will add to your arousal. I say give porn a go, but keep it simple and maybe just surf some NSFW Reddits or just look at static pics that turn you on. I usually lay on my back, knees bent, feet flat. I also find tucking my cock between my legs in this position puts more pressure on my prostate and helps me achieve p-waves much faster. YMMV, but play around with that too. I don’t have any specific technique I use for contractions. I definitely used to consciously do contractions but always just light and playful but now I just kinda tune out and let my body take over and it does all the semi-conscious contractions itself which then leads to involuntary contractions and p-waves.

   I also think that if legal, weed will help you with your mind wandering. That was my experience too, but a little THC allows you to easily overcome the noisy mind and have it focus only on the task at hand. I also find it makes everything sensitive down there too. So while it’s still totally doable without it, it might help you if you’re not opposed to trying. You could also get around the noisy mind aspect with a mindful meditation practice.

   Also, try lightly touching your nipples too and approach your own touching like you were teasing and sensually seducing your partner…

6. Get an indica vape pen and none of what you choose to do or not do will matter that much.

7. Forget about all that contraction stuff. The do-nothing approach is so much better and pretty straightforward. Just lay down, relax your muscles and just try watch out for any pleasurable sensations that will arise.

   Most people actually have a problem with fully relaxing. Even when they to relax, they unconsciously still hold a very weak contraction because they are so used to contracting their PC muscle all the time. To tackle that just try to hold a very weak reverse-kegel (aka. pushing out) and aknowledge this as your new relaxation stance. Once you feel arousal still try to hold that slight reverse kegel because relaxation during arousal will lead to orgasms.

8. Have you tried mindgasm?

   My (maybe incomplete) list includes:
   -not cumming regularly, however, ok to cum once a week approximately because I can feel great while the tank is refilling but not always when the tank is full
   – being appropriately horny, not caused by external forcefulness (if I view porn, in a reduced amount)
   – being appropriately relaxed – if I’m stressed about work or something, I’m distracted and maybe shouldn’t be trying
   – being appropriately tired enough – the muscles need to disengage while increasing in pleasure. It’s practically the opposite of jacking off, where the muscles are engaging harder towards ejaculation and thus orgasm.

   I find that after a good workout, not having impending deadlines or stuff due, and being able to relax into a horny state, and didn’t cum like 3X the day before, then I can “start” to mentally focus on the muscles around the prostate. And then I start imagining some things that really turn me on, and maybe what it’s like to take a 10 inch dildo and feel it in me, or anything kinky or etc that puts me in the mood, and then let go of the muscles. The pleasure should get stronger the more I let go of the muscles, which sounds really magical. I don’t have the logic to explain why it happens that way, just that the relationship of letting go inversely can increase the pleasure. If there’s a tingle or a force, I let it continue and see if it can spread outward. It’s like yielding to a part of the body with a mind of its own. If it wants more of my body, I give it to it. It takes control, I just keep on letting my ass do whatever it wants (the elusive holding of the “let go”) .

   So far on a really good day I managed to allow that force trying to take hold and control extend upward. Not quite the “every nerve practically pretending to be my cock orgasming” crazy, but I’m still learning and pushing what I can do 🙂

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