My husband has mentioned on numerous occasions that he is open to the idea of prostate play, although he has never experimented on his own (as far as I know, but I will confirm) and I have virtually no experience either. I bought an Aneros a couple of years ago to use on him and have barely rubbed it near his anus. I have also used my finger a little bit in his anus, but I’m very hesitant because I don’t want to hurt him. One thing that makes this kind of experimentation especially challenging for me is that my husband does not communicate a whole lot during sex and is very quiet and reserved making it difficult for me to know what feels good for him.
This is something I have accepted about him and is not something that I believe he can easily change.
I’m looking for any suggestions/advice on how I might proceed. Is it unrealistic to believe this is something we can learn together or does he really need to experience it himself before I can join in?
Cross-posted in other subreddit.
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A good way to introduce him to anal play would be to tease him around his anus, (rimming would be great, if you are into this) and very gradually insert a finger tip. Be sure to use lube when you do this, and go very slowly! He is a very lucky guy by the way, you are to be congratulated for expressing an interest in this!
Android toys are designed to be inserted and then you use your muscles to get movement. You don’t really want to be jamming these in and out of someone.
Aneros/prostate massagers are designed to be inserted and controlled by the person’s body. You can manipulate the toy as a partner if you want.
HOWEVER, the mind blowing orgasms and sensations you ready about hear are not something that is quickly obtained. It takes practice to learn new sensations and what they mean. This often correlates to spending a long time each session (30+ min) when learning.
Now, you can do some teasing or stick it in and proceed as normal with sex. This will definitely yield more powerful orgasms; just not on the same level. You can also achieve this with a simple butt plug.
Some quick advice: Know that the prostate needs to warm up with a lot of foreplay. This causes our to swell with fluid and become much more sensitive which makes it easier to find for new people. It honestly doesn’t really feel good or bad when not aroused, just a simple pressure.
Have your husband exercise his kegel muscles. Even though he won’t be using them to make the toy rock back and forth, he’ll still want to squeeze a bit while you are toying him. Squeezing down a bit (not as hard as possible) helps the toy press against the prostate. This will take time to both strengthen his PC muscle as well as learn the right amount of pressure he needs to apply for it feel great.
A bit late but have him listen to the free lessons on mindgasm.net
They are about 30 minutes long and i think if he gets used to controlling the different muscles and gets to feel atleast some pleasure from doing the exercises then i think inserting something in there will get easier.
The lessons can be done without any toy, but it also works great with fingers, aneros and other toys.