For information purposes I own the aneros and my thing is that, I get sucked into situations where I like how it starts and then stay in until I realize that I’m in it and struggle to take the exit lane.
Didnt have a fatherfigure / male role model since the age of 9
Also realized that it made a hard impact on my job since I rely on recommendations after successfuly finishing the job for marketing purposes.
The process of getting recommendation was for me the hardest part, since I’ve made myself alot of pressure by not talking about it till the end and then being so obsessed with it when they tell no. It’s like consuming porn giving it all and in the end when the time is up trying to quickly force it by applying more and more pressure. This evolved into a downwards spiral since I had the highest per client turnover and from the outside it looked that everything is going fine. Didn’t talk about it and let the inescapable situation come to me. No more clients and the pressure which I made myself by boasting my ego how “good” I was. When I compare it to the aneros and the traditional penile orgasm I developed a sense that the penile orgasm is the enemy. Even one of my clients (with I can talk open to) told me that I behaved like a castrated cat. I went from extreme (to having a feeling of chasing something) since I felt that If I don’t get any result, the feeling of being on the chase gave me the sense of being on the right path. This lead to many failed chases since, I knew there’s nothing to get. It even went so far that I pushed my car on the highway up till 200kmh and stayed there, where my car was at almost 6000rpm I almost died there if it wasn’t for a guardian angel that flashed its lights to warn me from a long shape curve.