Aneros users blogs and guides
In the first post in this series, I gave some general advice about how to approach learning to have prostate orgasms and talked about the easiest way to try to stimulate the prostate: manually. In this post, I will talk about the use of probes, prostate massagers, and vibrators.
In two previous posts, I talked about what prostate orgasms are and described my own long journey of discovering how to have them. In the next few posts, I’ll describe different ways of stimulating the prostate so as to cause them.
Before we start, however, let me emphasize that one should not expect too much too soon. For many men,* and especially straight men, the sorts of sensations you will be experiencing when you start to stimulate your prostate will be unusual, and it will take time to learn what feels best to you, and what kinds of stimulation are most effective. If you’re not used to being penetrated anally, just adjusting to that sensation can take a while. So be patient with yourself. There are a lot of enjoyable feelings to be had here, even short of prostate orgasms.
Second, if you are going to play with your butt, then you are eventually going to run into a bit of poop. Usually, it will be just a tiny bit, and it isn’t that big a deal, but it’s not the most pleasant aspect of anal sex. Still, if the very idea of running into a bit of poop freaks you out, then butt play is probably not for you. It will be difficult to relax and focus on what you are feeling.
I tend to confine my anal play to the afternoons or evenings, as my rectum tends to be cleaner then, and to avoid anal play on days when things aren’t quite right down there. Very often, though not always, I’ll clean myself out before I get to playing. It feels good, and it makes it easier for things to move around inside you if there’s nothing blocking their way. Many people already have an appropriate device for this purpose. A lot of hot water bottles double as enema delivery systems. Most drugstores carry these if you don’t have one, and there are several simpler devices available as well, often advertised as anal douches.
You will want to use plenty of lube, since the anus and rectum are not naturally lubricated in any way. How much you need will depend upon what sort of play you are engaged in. If it involves in-and-out, thrusting motions, then you need more than if it involves just putting something inside yourself and leaving it there. Either way, however, you want to lubricate yourself inside and outside. For the inside part, I have found that a small syringe works perfectly. (Without a needle, of course!) You can fill it with lube, and then squirt it inside yourself. But whatever you use (and do make sure that it is appropriate to any toy you may be using, e.g., don’t use silicone lube with silicone toys), double check that it does not have any sharp edges. Ouch! And not in a good way, either.
You can’t wish yourself into having orgasms, so when it’s time to play and experiment, try to get yourself into a nice, relaxed, comfortable mood. Have a shower first, or a warm bath. You can massage your anus a bit, to start enjoying those sensations, while you get nice and clean. It’ll make your skin extra-sensitive, as well. And when you do start playing, try not to go right for the prize. That will only frustrate you. You have to learn a new way of having an orgasm, and that means you have to unlearn a lot of what you think you know about your body.
Most men’s sexuality is very centered on their penis. If you want to learn to have prostate orgasms, then one of the most important things you need to do is decouple your sexuality from your penis. You have to learn to let sensations from other parts of your body be the ones that drive you to orgasmic bliss. So stimulate your nipples. Stroke your stomach and the inside of your thighs. Massage the cheeks of your ass. Massage your anus. Delight in all of these sensations, just for what they are, and not for anything they might bring.
If you’re used to watching porn while you masturbate, give that a rest. Watch porn beforehand, if you like, or read some erotica, or whatever. Once you start playing, you will need to give your full attention to the sensations you will be experiencing. Your body is a wondrous thing. You are learning something wonderfully new about it. Honor that.
You are probably used to having an erection when you are aroused. But you may not get one from prostate stimulation. Or you may have one before you start and then lose it once you do. It does not matter. Your penis is not part of this experience. Until you understand this, you will not be able to have prostate orgasms.
You are probably used to doing something to cum. You are probably accustomed, as you near orgasm, to moving faster, pushing harder. Give that a rest, too. If you try to do something here, you will fail. You have to relax and just let it happen. As your arousal grows, focus on the feelings emanating from deep inside your body. Ignore your penis. Instead, focus on your breath, as if you are meditating. This can be a great way to focus your mind on what is happening inside you. It is inside you where the action will be, which is very different from how most men (especially most straight men) are used to experiencing sexual pleasure. But remember to breathe, even if you do not do it mindfully.
And remember: All of our bodies are different. I can tell you what has worked for me. But your body is not my body. Your intimate anatomy is different from mine. Your prostate has a different shape. It lies at a different place inside you. It is more or less sensitive than mine. It will take time for you to learn how to have prostate orgasms. Or maybe your body doesn’t work that way at all. Maybe your body orgasms in ways mine does not. It’s all good. Everything is normal.
In the first post in this series, I gave some general advice about how to approach learning to have prostate orgasms and talked about manual stimulation of the prostate. In the second post, I talked about the virtues of probes, prostate massagers, and vibrators. In this, the third and last post, I will discuss the use of dildos.
As I recounted in the first post in this series, it took me several years after I first discovered prostate orgasms until I learned to be able to have them on a regular basis. But what exactly is a prostate orgasm?
For that matter, what exactly is an orgasm? It is important to understand, first of all, that, even in men,* orgasm is different from ejaculation. It is possible for a man to ejaculate without experiencing the sort of pleasure we associate with orgasm, and it is also possible for a man to experience the pleasure of an orgasm without ejaculating. Importantly, these “dry” orgasms typically are not followed, as ejaculatory orgasms usually are, by a “refractory” phase, during which sexual arousal is essentially impossible, no matter how much additional sexual stimulation one receives. That is, while “dry” orgasms do release some sexual tension, they do not release of all of it. Additional stimulation will increase arousal, and one can have another “dry” orgasm very shortly afterwards. Men who have these sorts of orgasms are thus able to have multiple orgasms, much the same way that many women are.
There is a good deal of debate within the medical and psychological community about how orgasm should be defined. Everyone agrees that orgasm involves both physiological and psychological components: certain sorts of rhythmic contractions of muscles in the pelvic region, and an intense experience of sensual pleasure. The debate centers on which of these really is the orgasm: the physiological part or the psychological part? We know the two can come part. So the question is: Can you have an orgasm without feeling it? If the orgasm is the physiological response, then you can. If it’s the psychological response, then you can’t.
For our purposes, it doesn’t matter very much how this question is answered. What does matter is that the two components of orgasm are closely related. Part of what feels so good are those rhythmic muscular contractions. Who knows why, but we humans experience them as extremely pleasurable. Anything that triggers such contractions, then, will thereby trigger at least part of the experience of orgasm.
And it turns out that one way to cause such contractions is to stimulate the prostate. A prostate orgasm, then, is simply an orgasm that is brought about through stimulation of the prostate.
My own experience is that prostate orgasms feel very different from ejaculatory orgasms. Part of the reason, I’d guess, is that many groups of muscles are involved in orgasmic contraction. Probably one of the reasons different orgasms can feel so different is that different groups of muscles are involved on different occasions. It wouldn’t be surprising if only some of the muscles that contract during ejaculatory orgasms do so during prostate orgasms. That does not mean that they feel less good, but only that they feel different.
More interestingly, many men say that prostate orgasms have a “whole body” quality that ejaculatory orgasms usually lack. Indeed, men often describe prostate orgasms in ways that sound very much like how women describe their orgasms. In my case, prostate orgasms are not centered on my penis and testicles, the way that ejaculatory orgasms usually are. Rather, they feel as if they start deep within my pelvis and then spread throughout my body, enveloping and enfolding me with waves and waves of pleasure.
Many men also report that prostate orgasms last longer than ejaculatory orgasms. Scholarly consensus is that ejaculatory orgasms, for most men, last about 10-15 seconds. A typical prostate orgasm, for me, seems to last about 20 seconds, and it is not at all unusual for them to last 30 seconds or more. I have had prostate orgasms, in fact, that lasted for over two minutes, and some of these ended only because I felt so overwhelmed that I had to stop.
And, as said earlier, most men find that they can have multiple prostate orgasms, because there is no, or only a very little, “downtime”. In my case, I often feel as if I need a rest, simply because the orgasm I’ve just experienced has left me somewhat drained. But sometimes, it leaves me energized, and I am able just to keep stimulating my prostate, so that a second orgasm may follow the first within thirty seconds or so. I don’t think I’ve ever had more than three orgasms in a row like that. )By then, I really was ready for a rest!( And I often find that, even if I do pause in between, if I’ve had a few orgasms from one kind of stimulation, I need to switch to something else if I’m going to continue. Fortunately, there are a lot of different ways to stimulate the prostate, so you have a lot to choose from.
There’s another kind of anal orgasm I’ve experienced as well, and which is worth mentioning here, especially because it is a kind of orgasm that women too can enjoy, since it doesn’t involve the prostate. I call it a “peristaltic” orgasm. Peristalsis is the process through which contractions conspire to move something through a tube. It’s peristalsis, for example, that moves food and then waste through the intestines. And it would seem that at least some of the muscles that are involved in peristaltic processes in the rectum are also involved in orgasm. So, again, if you can find a way to trigger those sorts of contractions, you thereby trigger at least part of the experience of orgasm.
I don’t remember when I discovered anal play or what led me to it. I’ve always enjoyed fucking my girlfriends in the butt, though I’ve only rarely had the pleasure. What I don’t recall is when or how I discovered how the pleasure to be had from my own butt being fucked.
I would prefer to have a )female( partner do me, but only on a few occasions have I been privileged to have someone else penetrate me with a dildo or vibrator. Most of my experiences of this kind have therefore been with myself.
Before we continue, let’s get one thing clear: A guy’s enjoying anal penetration does not ‘make him gay’. As has often been pointed out, the claim is absurd on its face. I mean, what is the argument? Gay men enjoy anal penetration; Fred enjoys anal penetration; so Fred must be gay! Well, gay men enjoy getting blowjobs, too; every man I’ve ever known enjoys getting blowjobs; so every many I’ve ever known must be gay. Right?
That argument is so terrible that it obviously can’t be what really drives men )and it’s almost always men( to worry that a guy’s enjoying anal penetration ‘makes him gay’. The real argument is quite different. It’s that a guy’s enjoying anal penetration makes him feminine, and being feminine makes him effeminate, and that makes him gay. The steps of this argument are pretty lame, too, but it at least makes some kind of sense. But to think that certain sorts of sex acts are exclusively ‘feminine’ or ‘masculine’ is sexist on its face. And even if it is ‘feminine’ for a man to enjoy anal penetration, why is that supposed to be bad? Could it be because what’s feminine is inferior and men should not stoop to such things? That kind of reasoning only makes sense to people who are sexist and homophobic.
What’s really ironic about this sort of concern is that one of the joys of anal penetration for men is how it stimulates the prostate. Which, of course, is an organ only men have.* Indeed, the main reason I like anal play so much is the kind of orgasm it gives me. I have always envied women because there are so many ways they can masturbate, and because of the seemingly endless orgasms some of them manage to have. One woman I knew used to cum five or six times nearly every time we had sex, one right after the next. I’d have sold my soul to be able to do that, but my anatomy always got in the way. Until, that is, I discovered my prostate.
My earliest anal masturbation, in my college years, involved dildos. Dildos are for fucking, and that’s what I started out doing. I found out pretty fast that, if I fucked myself at the right angle, the head of the dildo would bump into my prostate, which felt fantastic. At first, I found it difficult to get the angle just right. If it was too steep, it would hit too hard, which could be painful. If it was too shallow, it would miss my prostate altogether. But when it was just right, it would cause intense sensations deep inside my body and make precum flow out of my cock like a river. Very quickly, the sensations would build towards that pre-orgasmic state, and I would find myself lingering there for a long time. It felt like, if only I could just keep at it long enough, or hit just the right spot, I’d cum. But I would always tire before I got to that point, or just getting too horny to keep at it, so I’d stroke myself to an orgasm with the dildo buried inside me. The feeling of my ass grabbing at the dildo while I came was wonderful. But I always wondered what would happen if only I could keep at it longer. I had to cum, eventually, right?
So that became my quest: To cum, just from anal stimulation.