This is a very slight edit to the original post.
To a new Aneros user or anyone feeling frustrated:
Seeing the length of this post with the thought of, "I simply don't have the time or desire to read all this!" Let me give you a Rika's Note version of what this is about. I understand initial frustration and expectations of the new user. I detail what those frustrations are and why they occur. Then I proceed to describe a way to change the mindset and approach of Aneros in order to reduce frustrations and expectations so that this product and adventure becomes fun and rewarding. If you're a new member stressed and wondering what to do, you've already spent time trying to figure it out, spend a little bit more time to read and hopefully find a few answers to your questions. Thank you.
I see new threads and topics all the time, as well as men in chat, just at a total loss about Aneros.
I'm going to use some creative speculation here for a minute, so please follow along.
What I see in chats and the forums essentially boils down to a feeling. That feeling is frustration.
I think this is what happens. I think men learn about Aneros through videos or maybe some preliminary research. Perhaps the very first thought is, "Aneros? What's the point?" That's a valid question too. Aneros is an investment. Aneros requires an investment in money, an investment in being open and willing to experiment, an investment in time, and an investment in effort. For all that investment, it's easy to think there damn well better be a payoff. If there's no major benefit, what's the point?
Looking back, and thinking about when I was first researching Aneros, I asked myself that question. Oh, Aneros. Prostate massage. That's interesting.What's the point of it though? I already enjoy anal. What's this going to do for me that I don't already have? The answer and the point became pretty clear.
I already have orgasms. Those are pretty great. I like things that will give me more orgasms. I'm already interested from that aspect alone, but this thing will give me SUPER ORGASMS?! What's that? Is that even possible? Do I still cum? I don't get it, but it sure does sound amazing from what people say and from the way these guys react in these videos.
Being in the age of smart consumerism and online reviews, a little bit of research can be conducted to pick the "first" model". Be it fair or not, this first model generally ends up being the make or break for the Aneros perception. How many men will make the investment stated above only to feel frustration at the lack of results? Understand that in this scenario "results" is the entire point of Aneros. What's the point? Orgasms! This thing is promoted as an amazing sex device and sex toy that brings great orgasms and the ever motivating Super-O!
*I'm going to throw in a side note at this moment. This is a hypothetical situation. This is how I was when I first looked into Aneros. Many men purchase Aneros for its many health benefits and enjoy the sexual pluses as a bonus. I'm not referring to that aspect of Aneros for this particular topic. Note over.*
So, having done my research, having read about what to do, nothing is happening, or rather Super Orgasmic Life Changing events aren't happening. So, it's just kind of sits in there and does what exactly? What's the point again?
We often speak of re-wiring. We talk and write all the time about how the body needs to adjust and create new pathways to perceive and enjoy the prostate stimulation. We are in essence learning who we are all over again.
That's the point.
That's it right there.
What's the point of Aneros? To learn who we are all over again.
Wait, that doesn't sound very sexy. That doesn't sound like orgasms. That sounds like a raw deal. That sounds like the therapist I had to pay for my ex wife to visit. I had to "invest" in that as well. That didn't work either.
Slow down there a minute.
Is it so wrong to learn who we are all over again? Isn't that sexy in and of itself? I've had many sexual encounters that left me learning something about myself. I would start a night with a goal in mind, the point as it were, of the night. This was going to happen, then we would move from that position, at some point this device would come into play, at 10:15 PM we would both orgasm. After that, we would be in bed asleep by 10:27 PM. I mean, we've all had a preconceived notion of what would happen. Rather, we have preconceived notions of what *should* happen. Instead, I get a total surprise for the night when something completely out of the blue happens. Maybe she does something I never thought she would do. Maybe she asks me to do something I always though she hated. That's the point. We have to be open minded enough to remain adaptable and react to the experience, not force it one way or another. There is nothing wrong with guiding a situation, but let it unfold and develop at its own pace.
Can that be frustrating? You bet! When I'm making out with my girl, and all I want is a blowjob, then the time it takes her to actually make her way down there can feel like eternity. If her lips on my cock is all I focus on, then the actual arousal that is being built up is overlooked and missed.
I think as men it's easy to want to fix problems. If we see something not working right, our minds start searching for a solution. It's why my girlfriend talks for 20 minutes, and when she finally pauses I say, "Okay. What's the point again?" Then I get "the look". I'm sure I'm not alone in knowing what the look is. The point was just to listen and validate what she was feeling. Did I understand that all that at the time? No way. Do I understand that now? Yes At least I nod and say I do.
With Aneros, don't try to to "fix" it. Please. This is a request. It's not really broken if you don't feel anything right away. You're not really broken if you don't feel anything right away. Also, it's okay to feel frustrated. Just ask yourself why you feel frustrated. Is it because you're missing the point? Is it because the point is still the orgasm?
I know, at this point, there is probably a collective, "Okay, what the hell are you talking about? What is it all about then?"
So, often we mention the mental side of Aneros being just as important as the physical side. There are topics that date all the way back to the start of the site that impress and stress the importance of letting go preconceived notions. There is an entire Wiki dedicated to physical movements and suggestions for clearing mental mind clutter. All this advice is meant to help us all "get it".
What I'm saying is don't let "it" be solely the orgasm. Don't let the "point" be all about cumming. We talk and write ad nausea about separating a penis orgasm from a prostate orgasm. We talk at length about multiple orgasms and going with the flow.
I'm going to take these ideas and spin them another way. What if the point of Aneros wasn't "the orgasm" but a means to make yourself happier? What if Aneros was about learning about yourself? What if it was a means to be completely selfish and totally focused on one person, yourself, for just a little bit? What if in the process of all that "me time" you actually had fun and some great feelings to go with it? Wouldn't that be pretty neat?
Aneros can be that way. Aneros can allow us to learn new things about ourselves and help us change how we perceive the world. That's what I mean when I say we learn who we are all over again.
How does Aneros do this? Well, that's kind of the catch-22. Aneros doesn't do it. We do. We take our own actions, our own thoughts, and complete the process. Notice that. Complete the process. How does it start then? Aneros. In this instance, for this purpose, Aneros. Now, that doesn't mean that this only applies to Aneros. Learning how to do this with Aneros makes it easier to learn how to do this with other things in life, I believe.
For starters, as a starter, a person inserts Aneros. Expectations is that of an orgasm and Super-O. Super-O maybe not right away, but it certainly better happen. That's why the investment in Aneros was made.
Instead, think of it this way. Insert Aneros. Stop. Stop right there. No expectations. Tell me, what IS happening? What ARE you feeling? Do you see what you're doing? You're thinking about it. You're *experiencing* it. You're actively holding back your thoughts in order to register what your body is feeling.
Well, it's not feeling anything. What are you *expecting* it to feel? Are you still expecting? Are you sure it's not feeling anything at all? Some men simply don't have any pleasurable feelings. They just don't get a physical reaction at all. Even if such is the case, I still want to say, "Congratulations!" You've just meditated for 30 minutes or however long you just tried. You thought of nothing but yourself. You let the stress of the day go for a little bit. Those bills due on the kitchen counter were ignored for a little bit. How does that make you feel? A little less stressed? A little better? That's a pretty good feeling, right? The fact that nothing physical happened might actually make you more determined to try again. However, that can be done for free without sticking something up your ass. That's not what you invested in. Just remember, experience, react, and be adaptable.
Sports players and athletes commonly say they're in "the zone" when they are performing exceptionally well.
I like to take a similar thought and compare it to being in a slip stream. When I'm at my peak, I actually stop moving my physical body altogether. I'm in the slip stream of experience. I've been pulled into this line and wave of energy and experience. I just stop trying to move and float in that stream. What I mean is that with all of my voluntary muscles, I stop "voluntarily" moving them. I just keep my mind as still as possible and "feel" what I'm feeling. If my penis twitches, yeah, I feel that. Do I try to twitch it by focusing a thought on twitching it? Nope. This is what's known as the detached observer. You're placing your mind just outside of voluntary control long enough to feel and register what you're feeling. You're in the slip stream of experience. You're on a roller coaster car going up and down and all around. Your body is being turned and tossed with the care of the coaster. You can scream, move your arms up and down, brace yourself, try to hold yourself still, but you're still on that ride. You're still feeling every bit of it. That's what I mean when I say you can guide it a little bit, but just enjoy that ride. Be in the slip stream. Be in the sensations that wash through and over every essence of being. Keep the mind in that place of enjoyment. How often do we get to really let go and just feel great things happening to us? That's what everyone means when they say let go. Let go of consciously trying to move a muscle. Stop. Just don't do it. Instead, when that muscle moves, what did you just feel? Did you feel that tingle move up your legs? Did you feel that subtle wind from the AC blow over your nipple? Did you feel that pulsing sensation pour through your prostate and into your cock? What are you feeling?
That's how we complete the process. Aneros simply creates an outlet that promotes stimulation. For many, this is an entirely new type of stimulation. That's what is referred to as re-wiring. Every man since the time he first pleasured himself knows what penile stimulation feels like. Not many men know the pleasure of full body prostate stimulation.
There are several articles and topics that give specifics as to the physical techniques to move Aneros around inside and stimulate the prostate. There are articles that talk about not thinking about the penis and focusing on the prostate and sensations felt. I encourage all to go look for them. They are great. Spend time in the Wiki. Look up Cockadoodle's Penis Not topic. All give great and valuable insight. I can't say I'm adding anything really new to the mix.
All I can do is simply challenge you. When you have thoughts about Aneros, and you're frustrated, think about what the point of it all is. Think about what you're trying to achieve. Just think about it. Are you actively forcing something that "should" be happening? If you've never had a Super-O, how do you know what it "should" feel like? After you're done thinking about what you're "trying" to do, why don't you just stop trying and just start feeling?
I'll finish with this. I was at a place that had an indoor rock climb. I had never done a rock climb before. I always wanted to, but never did. This time, I did. I got the harness on and everything. Then I just stood there. I stared at this dumb wall. There were all these tiny, little pegs. I didn't even know where to begin. My goal was to get to the top. That's the point of rock climbing. That's all I knew. At some point my mind just said, "Idiot. It's a rock. Climb it. You've been climbing since you were a kid. A foot goes here, and a hand goes there, and up you go. Just do it."
With all the little things that get tossed around about Aneros, do this, don't do that, feel this, don't think about that, at some point, it boils down to a very simple, you know what to do. You're body knows what to do. You've been feeling your body for years. Just relax, enjoy, and feel it a different way. Go ahead and get excited. Learn something new about yourself. Take a chance. Try something different. When you get frustrated, feel frustrated. You have that right. Don't think anything is broken though. Don't think you have to fix anything. Once you've calmed down, think about what you felt when you were trying Aneros. Were you thinking too much? Were you expecting too much? Take a breathe. Calm down. Let those negative feelings pass. Think about trying again, and just experience whatever happens. That's all I'm asking.
That's the point.
In my opinion.