It's been a while since I created a blog post. There is a reason for this. I tend to share so much on the forum and chat about what I feel during an Aneros session that I want to use my blog for new explorations and new sensations.
That's what my blog is about. It's about me combing several elements of my sexuality into a self-reflecting exercise. There are two very key parts of my sexuality that I wish to combine into a fluid and coherent mixture. I'm combing my passion for BDSM and my tantric energies. Aneros is the tool which I'm using to generate and expand the tantric energies. I can full succumb to the pleasures and sensations of Aneros. I can build that energy, move the energy around, create pleasurable feelings in other parts of my body. I can connect to a cosmic force reaching out. There's an entire realm that Aneros allows me to be part of. Rather, that other realm is constantly in existence. Aneros allows me to venture into that realm for just a little while.
This post is not about that connection though. I've written about that before.
This post is about the connections I'm making between pleasure and pain. This is about BDSM, tantra, and combing aspects of sexuality.
What is it about BDSM that keeps me so captivated? It's a paradoxal feeling at times. It's a push. It's a pull. It's give and take. It's that strange dynamic that turns pain into pleasure. Why is it easier for many to accept submission and dominance, but to accept pain is so difficult? Is it fear based? Is it misunderstanding?
Everyone feels pain. Eveyrone remembers a time of pain. It's not enjoyable.
That's a different pain though. What about that pain that hurts so good? What about that lover that digs their nails into the back in that moment of passionate release? That's pain. However, it's perceived differently. The body registers it differently. That's when the pain receptors actually send the same signal to the brain as pleasure. It's a release of endorphines. It's a self made high. It's natural. It's what the body creates.
I've noticed that this particular feeling has been duplicated though. For myself, I get that endorphic feeling from Aneros and pain. That's a strange mix. How can one produce the same as the other? That is the question I'm exploring. That's the answer I'm looking for.
I purchased a new paddle a few weeks back. The handle is long enough for me to use it on myself with a fair amount of force and a significant amount of reaction. It is during this sef-infliction that I noticed the Aneros connection. With no sexual stimulation to gential or nipple, the resonance of the pain and sting of the paddle was spreading through me like the orgasmic p-waves of Aneros.
I was paddling my ass, back, inner thighs, cock )very lightly(, and anything that was safe to paddle. I started to feel that sting and burn spread through me like the endorphic release of prostate pleasure. There's a sense of submission to the feelings of my body. I just let go. I swim in the sea of bliss.
During my solo session with the paddle, when the sting subsidded, I would press on the fresh and still hot marks that patterned on my body.
As I continued this self-inflicted session, I was beyond aroused. I was having orgasmic responses without any device at all. I was not using my hands in any traditional sense at all. I understood what it meant to just accept and feel. I felt like a Super-O was approaching just from my own internal feelings. What is it about this pain/pleasure dynamic that is causing such similar feelings as pleasurable prostate massage?
Today, I was enjoying a nice Vice session. I was just dipping into that orgasmic sea. I was feeling very good and enjoying all the sensations coming to me once more. I was on my back, with a pillow under me, and my legs up in the air. I was cupping my ass thinking, Vice sits so flush in its place that I could probably get paddled while having this in. What would that feel like?
So, I got my paddle. If the endorphic release from paddle alone was pleasurable, how would it work with Vice?
I started off slow and warmed up a little bit. With each light slap, I clenched just enough to press further into the prostate. It didn't take long for the harder smacks to come. I was in a total bliss state. I melted even more into the sensations of Aneros. I had heat and pain )which amounts to little more than a hot sting( spread through. I was on all fours for this basically. I used one arm to swing the paddle while holding myself up with my knees and other arm. It took just a few minutes of this practice to start humping air and bucking. It didn't take me long to slide even deeper into pleasure. I honestly didn't continue this very long. I was so entrenched in what my body was creating that I simply laid back on my back and enjoyed.
I sort of simmered in that state for a while. It wasn't a full on bed shaking body quaking Super-O. Instead, I felt more like I was a piece of bacon in the skillet on that med-low heat that has that absolutely perfect sizzle to the grease. It was a moment of perfect balance. There was a consistent, constant, and extensive level of pleasure that just lasted. It wasn't a peak and valley cycle. It was a sustained, medium high, even plateau. After I choose to Super-T, the after glow was wonderful. I stayed in the orgasm hang over for nearly an hour. It's such a sense of peace, happiness, and bliss that I can still recall the feeling.
I'm one for analysis. I'm one for breaking down my experience to try and understand what the connections are. This is one particular exercise I find fun because I still wonder what that connection is. That in and of itself is what makes it worth trying. There's some wonder there. There's a new use for what would seem to be established order. Who says Aneros is only for inserting and then laying back? Why can't I actively use Aneros for something else? Of course I can! It's my journey! It's my life. I can do what I choose with it.
I am doing that will full jubilation.