Session #? Oh boy, definitely onto something here.

Losing track of my session numbers because I feel like keeping track of them leads to expectations and having expectations for the journey is a bad thing!

Okay, I'm definitely onto something here.

After finally learning how to separate out my PC and Anus muscles, after taking plenty of time each day to exercise the PC muscles, and after truly getting myself into the grove, I believe I've felt my first rael P-waves.

Mind you, I am still unsure if I'm feeling my prostate at all. I am still unsure if my contractions are real or self-made. I am still unsure if this is the correct path to take. However, I derived pleasure from my experience. It wasn't orgasmic, or even mini-orgasmic, but it was on the cusp. Unfortunately, I went too wild, lost the feeling, and needed to finish myself off by masturbating due to feeling massively blue-balled. But here's what happened.

I was nearing the end of my 60 minute session, it was minute 50 or so, and I decided to try for the weird spazzy contractions one last time. I managed to get them a few times during the session but it never leads to anything too pleasurable, it doesn't really make my aneros auto-fuck me like other people describe, and it consists of me simply trying to hold a PC contraction for as long as I can which, in turn, tired me the hell out.

This leads me to question #1 for anyone reading: When you're getting auto-contractions, are you holding any muscles in place in order to let them ride? Or are they so automatic that you can literally let go and relax and they keep going on their own? If I'm holding a muscle in order to keep the contraction going, is that a good, bad, unimportant thing?

In any case, as I felt my contractions begin, I began to visualize myself having sex with my girlfriend. Suddenly I came to the realization that the core of my penis )btw, I'm unsure but I feel like the core of my penis is where my prostate is, so possibly this was my prostate being massaged after all and I just don't know it? When I say "core" I mean directly behind the very base of my penis( had this sensation in it that matched what it feels like when I fuck my girlfriend. See, whenever I fuck my girlfriend and I'm at the point of sex where I'm trying to finish up, I'll pull on my PC muscles in order to focus and increase the chances of reaching orgasm. This is a very specific feeling I get only while having intercourse, I believe I cannot find this feeling while masturbating.

So I hold onto this feeling and try to ride it. My contractions continue and in my brain I am essentially fucking my girlfriend silly. I can feel my entire cock and balls get ready for an orgasm. I'm holding onto this feeling at my core as my legs shake, my brain goes crazy, and I'm fucking the air. This lasts for about 30 seconds before I become incredibly tired, let go, and lose the contractions. The feeling in my core goes away and I being to jerk myself off as this feeling has made me hard as a rock. I know, this is a bad idea. However, I get the feeling in my core back, hold it for another 30 seconds as the contractions return, and begin to doubt myself. This doubt obviously ruins any hope of reaching a proper dry-O, I get too tired, and begin to feel a blue ball effect. This is where I decide to end my session by masturbating to climax. Whew, what a climax BTW. Probably not a super-T by any measure, but definitely wetter than your usual orgasm.

In any case, this leads to question 2: Before I began to touch my penis, the pleasurable sensations seemed to be mostly penile in nature. My imagining of having intercourse rather than being penetrated, the inability to feel the aneros at all as I essentially began to ignore the sensations in my anus, and feeling at my core a feeling I would normally feel during penile intercourse; these things all make me wonder if I was truly using the aneros correctly and if I'm making strides on my journey towards dry-Os and super-Os or not. What do you think?

In any case, I'm very excited for my next session. Now that I know how to properly prepare my mindset for an interesting time, I'm hoping I can get past the blue-ball frustrated feelings and make this reach a place of progression. Please, clear my doubts and tell me I'm interpreting my contractions and sensations correctly! :(