Today's Blog

Pardon the unoriginal if descriptive title. If I think too much it gets stale. Again these are my impressions from last night, less a session than just me, my life. I've decided that although my last blog entry wasn't perfectly what I might want, I don't care, this is mostly for me.

Again with the calm seas with one something in the middle, a kind of combination yawn, stretch, gasp, sigh, and mini O. What is it? But the real action was all inside. I realized that the elephant in the room is that what is going on here is I am getting acquainted with my inner life, my body, my sensations. This may seem painfully obvious to everyone but it's new to me, to be able to be focused on these ineffable impulses coming from my body in a natural relaxed way, for any length of time. I've always been inward-looking but all in my head, never my body. So this is new.

For me it was like lying on the beach, soaking up the sunshine, drifting in and out of dreams, my body aglow. I imagined that I was a woman when I sobbed. I felt connections to men I hardly know. I felt so lucky to finally have found this beach in the dark city. Weird, huh? I thought of Plato's dark cave inside me with the aneros knocking on the door to my body. I felt thankful for my experience with my emotions for they teach me things that I never would have thought of. I was thankful for my connections to other men and for being able to recognise the connections. I felt doubt about my ability and motives in trying to help. Help myself first. I felt inadequate with my limited experience. Something in what they say sometimes resonates with me and I can't help but make contact, maybe healing myself in the process. All the while my body is just soaking up the rays, like Ahkhunaten and Nephertiti drifting down the Nile on their love barge and the Aten shining its riches down on them. Weird, huh?