When my wife went to visit family, I finally had an opportunity to dedicate some time without limitations. Because of my recent non-events, I acquired a Helix Classic and a VICE in the hopes I could finally achieve a p-orgasm.
I have concluded that the neuropathy that I have in my feet from my chemo twenty years ago also affects my anal area. Because no matter what device I used, no matter how I relaxed, no matter how frequent or infrequent I tried contractions, no matter what setting I used with the VICE, all I got was great edging.
I have been careful to not get my penis involved. I tried early in the evening, at bed time, in the middle of the night, and in the morning. I plan to persevere, but it is rather disheartening.
After a little down time, my next effort will likely include the enhancement of marijuana. I am hopeful that it will push me over the edge.
Advice appreciated.
Tag: Wife
Super O Plateau
One of the most mysterious and exciting things about this Aneros journey is its subtlety and the connection of mind and body in experiencing sexual pleasure. When I started this journey of sexual discovery almost 20 years ago I knew that it was as much a mental experience as it was a physical one. Even though Aneros practice is rooted in the use of a physical device, the power of the mind to facilitate extreme pleasure through that device is manifest. Even more mysterious and fascinating however is the power of Aneros to instigate anal pleasure and facilitate an altered mental state at the pinnacle of a chain of multiple orgasms.
My normal sessions usually are between an hour and 3 hours. Typically a session will consist of back to pleasure spasms that flow in waves of building and ebbing pleasure. The waves never disappear they just modulate slightly from peak to peak. If I am going to go for a 2 hour session I will deliberately let the wave dissipate slightly to relish the sublime sensation of climbing higher again. It will typically build up on its own to start the second hour as I wait for it to lift me in renewed waves of ecstasy.
However the interesting thing for me is the way that prostate and penile bulb focused pleasure waves build in me eventually becoming contractions of mind numbing euphoria.
Seasons of My Sexuality
As you can read from the previous posts my sexuality is a complex thing. Like the seasons it transforms itself within the measure of a year, each season bringing its unique conditions, qualities and sensibilities. The torrid heat of desire for a woman and the vulgar intimacy of being with a man each bring their own memorable pleasure that resonates in the moment but lingers as an echoing memory; both harden my cock and make it ache with need. The calming chill of ecstasy and the urgency of arousal also speak to the sense of sexual seasons that I experience.
Homoerotic desire is one of those seasons that swings in and out of my life like the much anticipated chill of fall in the end of a sultry summer. Yet at the beginning of a summer with the anticipation of bathing in searing feminine sexual lust fantasies of sex with a man seem like a distant activity like raking leaves would seem in June.
The thought of male intimacy ebbs and flows. When it surfaces it finds me like a butterfly seeks a bloom. It is silent. I never know when it will land on me. The desire for male intimacy is so mysterious and secretive that one night as I lay naked in bed it lands on me, seeking my sticky male stamen. It finds me with grace and elegance that belies its masculine character; it alights on my wetted swollen cockhead which is exuding the sweet nectar of my arousal.
Dream O?
Was sleeping last night )A-less( and all of a sudden wham with anal spasms and all. Woke me right awake, heart pounding, wondering if I physically spasmed or moaned and very curious if I woke y wife…
deathly silence… except for my heart racing…
and now my mind all confused – was that a dream? or was that real?
Weird
Things get weirder and weirder, in a nice way.
My last 4 orgasms have been interesting. They haven't lasted long. Each time I start to orgasm I feel my pleasure ramping up rapidly but I don't have time to enjoy it much because I feel something building that I have to concentrate on. It's a very deep almost unbelievably powerful pleasure, maybe just another super-O I'm not sure. It sits there and I have no option but to feel it build, my whole body convulsing uncontrollably, but with anticipation rather than any realised pleasure. Each time it gets stronger and it's driving me mad that I can't have it. Each time it seems to get closer I think it's starting to spread and then it stops, and eventually I have to give in because the pressure is starting to get uncomfortable and I have to stop. I try relaxed observation, I try just enjoying it and feeling the pleasure building, but it's like my body just can't quite accept it yet and give in to it, it's too powerful for me.
Somehow if feels like a super-O building, but in other ways it feels different, even more powerful. I will only know once it hits me and I can't wait because it's going to be good.
Sleep paralysis, not enough orgasms
Last night was a downer. I was good and did as I was told. No orgasm.
At 1 am I had a very scary sleep paralysis. I felt like my arm had become a snake. Bit weird.
Still looking after a sick child whilst wife goes out for the day again. I manage 20 minutes maximum to myself and have taken to pretending to read on the bed to get some time alone.
I must have been desperate I had one orgasm today and got into it within 30 seconds of trying, but got disturbed by children again so it was disappointing. I couldn't get back into it after. This is supposed to be my week off work I have done nothing but be stuck in the house looking after children, the wife has been out most of the time, and she's out again tonight. Back to work soon and 14 hour days. Fun.
Amazed, and disappointed
Last night I had an hour and a half of mind blowing orgasms. I'm feeling totally energised, turned on and ready for more. My wife is going out all day, my children should be at school and I was looking forward to spending a day on my own for the first time in months.
My eldest daughter has a fever so she's staying off school and I have to look after her all day. So much for a day of orgasmic bliss, and I could actually have been naked for the first time I usually have to be fully clothed; I have never been so disappointed. Oh well, that's life I suppose.
Last night I had a 30 minute orgasm before going to sleep. It was mostly a hard thrusting sort of orgasm going on and on like a normal orgasm but more intense and never ending. I love to imagine myself having sex and cumming and cumming inside someone my sperm dripping out and down my legs and I just keep going and going and cumming, and it just gets better and better, I almost feel like an animal out of control. It's a powerful fantasy for me at the moment.
I woke at 4am feeling very turned on and had a full hour of orgasms ranging from had pumping ones to times of just peaceful continuous orgasm, followed by an orgasm starting in my sacrum spreading up to my lower spine then around into my abdomen. I though it might be a Full Kundalini rising but it felt so good I couldn't stop it. I sort of knew it wasn't so just enjoyed it.
I can't believe how much pleasure this is giving me.
The Heart Chakra opens, and a super-O!
Woke early and had a good orgasm. I'm sure it was going to be a big one, but my wife suddenly woke up as I was going into it and got out of bed, which slightly threw me and I lost concentration but it was still good.
I was sitting listening to some music before having a shower, I find Angels and Airwaves )probably not everyone's cup of tea( very uplifting and quite 'spiritual'. I listened to one of my favourite tracks and felt very happy and full of life, but didn't think too much of it. I then went into the shower. Out of the blue I started to feel a great sense of being very loved, but more a sense of loving myself more than anything, and a sense that something almost like God )I am absolutely not religious( had given me something very special. I felt energy pouring out of my chest and above all I felt deeply grateful for everything, then I started crying in a very happy way. The pressure I have felt on my upper chest for days vanished and I was able to breathe properly again. The family were around in the house so I didn't allow myself to sink into it too much but I could have probably sobbed myself silly with the feeling of gratitude.
Quiet, but nice
I'm meditating regularly. Yesterday I was circulating energy into my sacrum and up my spine, I suddenly got an immense surge in my lower back during the day, I thought at last the real Kundalini is on its way, and was able to meditate immediately and I concentrated on the feeling. It became very powerful but nothing broke through. I really think that I have to be careful.
My theory is that my original experience was forced in that I pushed energy up through my chest and into my head and triggered a partial Kundalini. It went through the wrong channel rather than rising up my spine.
The lesson learnt from yesterday is that you can't force it, much like trying to force an orgasm. If I am not ready for it, I am not ready for it. I have decided that it will happen naturally if I work on meditation, relaxation and positivity. It might take years but it will come when it is ready.
I'm also having slight difficulty with dry O's again. I'm sure it's because I tried to force a Kundalini yesterday and I have put things out of balance again. I certainly haven't got anywhere near a super-O again yet. I feel like it's a prize waiting for me once I have balanced myself sufficiently and it will happen when I have truly given in and accepted myself and that I'm not in control.
Quiet at last
Well, I can now get into an orgasm again at will. I seem to be getting closer to having a SuperO again, it felt as if I was almost having one last time but I still don't think it really was. I can't stop lying there analysing as I orgasm so once I stop doing that it will probably happen.
All the Kundalini awakening stuff seems to have stopped now and I feel rather back to normal. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not as I was sort of expecting to feel different forever. Some of the manic phases were rather good if not slightly out of control. I suppose only time will tell. I was even quite grumpy at work yesterday just like normal.
I sort of suspect that once I start superO-ing again it will re-energise things and hopefully this time I can control it. I'm meditating regularly to get myself ready, it would be nice to find someone to teach me more about how to use the energy but I don't really know where to start.