ed's journey

since my last post i have had many sessions–sometimes with several days in between, sometimes daily and sometimes more than one each day–they are at least 1 hour in duration, usually 1 1/2 hours or more–also i've tried various times of the day–i've tried all kinds of different methods and at last i'm getting some results that indicate i may be on the right path at last–i've tried to force involuntary contractions by holding a contraction till i'm fatigued, which never happens–i've tried voluntary contractions till i spasm, but never reach that result–i've tried breathing and total relaxation, i've tried trying to sleep –and i've tried various combinations of all of these methods–my reward has been a totality of nothing to a bunch of shivers and tics–but these shivers and tics are what i'm after and i've noticed that they come only with total relaxation, with no forced contractions or motion on my part–some of the shivers and tics have been longer in duration, giving me another lesson, namely that they can't be controlled in any way to try to make them last longer–my problem is that when they take over i find it impossible to remain relaxed enough to permit them to continue as my legs in particular start to tense up–i think this is the way for me, namely total relaxation through to shivers and spasms–well, no one told me it was going to be easy–also i can't seem to remain aroused while i go for total relaxation and if i try to raise my arousal i become tense and feel nothing–the "feeling" of something happening only returns after i'm relaxed again, with the lessening of arousal–i think that the way i read the aneros instructions and the help on the forum caused me to believe that i could consciously control my contractions and that this would lead into the involuntary phase, which does not happen for me anyway–ede_1943