I had a some awakenings this past years through some life experience and I definitely had quite a big boost going through craniosacral work and rolfing. Basically a lot of emotional release, whole body highs etc… Since those episodes I have been experiencing full body orgasms and the ability to cicle and move and expand something in my body which I am not yet aware what it is or what it dose. Reading the aneros forum and some KSMO post, what people where talking about seemed familiar. So I went ahead and orderd a helix, after two weeks a progasm, and now peredise is on its way.
I dont know how I fist heard about aneros, but it stayed in the back of my head until I started to run into information and testimonials that gave me indications that this was a valid route for me to take. Although Ive experimented with the anal root on my own at points, Ive always been very turned down.
I have to say that the progasm isnt doing too much compared to the helix, but I guess it will have its place and its time! Although come to think of it, it dose reach some spots that the helix dosent, I miss the movement from helix.
I havent had full blown release orgasms yet. What I find myslef doing is slowly going into a state and roling on the bed as if possessed. I use a lot of pelvic thrusting together with the contractions. I end up ejaculating in the end most of the time because I feel trained to get that release. The orgasms are incredible combined.
Last night I broke through some of my own barriers, I had never thought about the fact of really making love to myself. I was a bit shameful, Ive done it before but not really being proud of myself. This time the underlying feeling of the session is that I was actually loving myself, as in love vs sex. And being myself that was being loved I had the feeling I was in love with the whole universe. Ok ok, so I was smoking a bit of weed and that took things to that high(t).
Shower, enema, prelube, incence… prepared near the bed where OJ, a joint, lubricant… the bed was coverd by big towels just in case.
I went full blast and tried to practice something that Ive been learning which is to let the involuntary movements of the body take over, with a little conscious guidance here and there. I inserted Helix and just left it there. Had a few tokes of MJ and started dreaming of with the music (Bjork, Sigur Ros, Moby, Ulrich Schnauss, Ram… mix selection). I put lubricant on myslef (next time I'll go for the oil or an approprite lubrication) and started massaging myself slowly, loving accepting embracing integrating whatever I found or that was in my way. I dont like my ass too much because its fat, that crossed my mind at that point, instantly I found myself massaging it and loving it, incredible, it was a big relief.
The aneros took over through involuntary contractions. But when it did stimulate I purposely forgot about its local stimulation and tried to feel its effects through the whole body and let them circulate.
Breathing was left to the body to decide, but soft moaning, heavy breathing, sometimes spontaneus inbreaths and outbreaths where there.
At some point a thought occured to me: it was like someone was making love to me but it was myself, or was it the aneros, should I fantasize about someone else doing it to me?????? should I be having someother types of fantasies since im getting it from behind??? ….. As soon as those questions poped to mind the answer came quite quickly…. Stop thinking and drop all those controlling preconceptions and just whitness and experience.
A lot of the play that was done with the aneros was through pelvic thrusting, this brought a lot of reminincens of sex into it.
At times i would have a strong surge of energy from the anus to the head and above. Usually with the sfincter muscles in full contraction and trying to draw the aneros in, and full PC contractions.
It all ended with penil ejaculation, or so I thought. Although I try to limit my ejaculations because of loosing power. I wanted to loose energy and colapse and wake up late the next day. After the ejaculation ended, it didnt. I felt for ten minutes how the energy was slowly tranmuting into something else (rather that disapearing which was how I tagged it at other time), there was a sence of settling and going into a dream/trance state. I recall waking up on my way to totall sleep not knowing if I was awake or asleep, not really caring. I woke up some time later (maybe one hour), and found myself covered with sticky lube everywhere (hair, face included), so I had an INCREDIBLE shower and went to bed.
It was a declaration of independance. Im currently single and I couldnt care less. I think it felt so good partially beacuse doing this I was adressing a few issues I had with myself and things I havent let myself be drawn into or accept.
Today just writing about it I can feel subtle waves in my body and a sence of peace, I can feel the aneros sensation inside me still, so I can really understand why at some point I wont be needing the aneros at all. The aneros brings consciousness and gives control of the area, kill sensory amnesia!
Anyway long post, hope someone got something out of it. My writing is probably shitty but better the chaos than not trying to share.