Communication and Expectations

My wife said she was fine with my prostate play. She liked the intensity of ejaculations. As I started to rewire it was good to share the experience and she could get better feedback on how subtle touches were really impacting me. Nipples, inner thighs, low back, all produced small orgasmic shocks at times.

As we explored this journey, one night, I went for my Helix and she said no, not today. This led to a difficult and powerful conversation. We discovered that she did not ask permission for her vibrator but I was expected to ask permission for my helix or I was sheepish about what I want in bed.

Turns out she was concerned about sexual activity becoming about the orgasm, ejaculation, or the "getting off" and never considered that I might view the vibrator in a similar manner. I don't but she clearly saw her fear and a double standard.

I have some ambivalence about anal play. It is increased along with excitement when we play together.

The techniques of Aneros involve a different type of interaction than straight sex. Guys don't "meditate" to find the zone and orgasm. Women do take a trip in their body and find waves and have orgasms.

As we talked through all these issues we found some important insights. She realized an opportunity to coach me about the orgasm journey. She worked through feeling replaced by a piece of plastic. I am working on sheepishness. Some stuff just makes you horny. The list goes on but you get the idea.

Use the quest for more than getting off. Develop your relationship.