Stuck in a rut :(

Unfortunately I've managed to get myself stuck in a bit of a rut with prostate stimulation.

I've been practicing it a couple of times a week for about 6 weeks now and still haven't reached orgasm from it – every time I feel like I'm getting close I start overthinking it and immediately lose the moment. It still feels good and the silver lining to all the effort I've made has so far been that I can always masturbate and have an orgasm which is way better than 'normal', but I don't last very long once I get the dual stimulation going and I often end up feeling like I've put in loads of work for what ends up being a pretty mediocre orgasm. Then I get grumpy because I'll have to wait a while until I next get horny and I can try again. When I'm not horny, I often just think 'urgh, when will I next get horny' and it frustrates me.

In a nutshell, I think my problem is that I'm hitting all the right spots, I'm just really struggling to lose myself in the moment due to overthinking. How do people get over this issue? It is frustrating me generally because my solo sessions aren't as fun as they should be.



  1. If you’re just starting out, and 6 weeks in, you’ve got expectations about how well/quickly you’re going to get a p-gasm, which is compounding inside your head during the session and frustrating you to the point of drawing your attention elsewhere. Took me a few months to get to the point where I realized A.) what a pgasm felt like, and B.) how to get there. Its sort of like the more you try to fall asleep the more difficult that becomes when you’re overtired. Instead of focusing on falling asleep (the orgasm) focus on everything that leads to sleep – that is, prepare yourself by relaxing your body and mind beforehand. Unlike jerking off I find that you can’t just jump into it, you have to sorta work up to it. Try meditating the day you’re gonna do it, or better yet, do yoga just before you do. Take a warm shower, prepare your area, get comfy and approach the situation with outcome independence. As you’ve said, the orgasm is always better than ‘normal’ so its not like you’re gonna have a bad time. Don’t look for the pgasm, let it come to you on its own.

  2. 6 weeks? I’m 20 months in and I’m only now knocking at its door. You’re 6 weeks in and you’re getting close already. That isn’t exactly a rut. From what I gather, your biggest problem is that you enter each session with expectations. You need to enter each session on a totally clean slate. Leave everything at the door when you enter the zone. I got **extremely** frustrated my first few months because what little pleasure I felt I was inadvertently extinguishing trying to amplify it and turn it into an orgasm. It took me a couple of weeks to change my mental approach to each session and only when I did that, did the pleasure begin to grow and take on a life of its own. I changed my mindset going into each session from "I’m trying to orgasm" to "This will be fun. The pleasure that I get will be great." Also, stop jerking off during sessions. If you have any questions, don’t be afraid to send a PM. Good luck and godspeed.

  3. I’m still having problems with it but I find it helps to go into it with the assumption that it isn’t going to work at all and that I’m just doing it to relax. If I can convince myself to approach it that way then anything that does happen is a bonus and I won’t be frustrated if nothing happens.

  4. Yeah, I guess so. I keep overthinking it and worrying about whether I’ll actually reach orgasm, which guarantees that I won’t. When I’m focusing on prostate play alone, I don’t touch my dick at all, and then start masturbating after at least an hour or so. How do you actually set about changing your mindset? People have very heavily emphasised how important it is to relax, so I’ve been doing things like dimming lights, putting nice music on, getting a basin of hot water to dip my feet in, having a pre-emptive shower and so on. But I feel like if I’ve put so much effort into preparing for it I start getting into the mindset of ‘trying to orgasm’ rather than ‘I’m having fun’. It’s confusing trying to get the balance right between getting sufficiently relaxed but not overdoing it to the point of overthinking.

  5. For me it was out of frustration. I gave up after a couple of months of trying to force the pleasure on myself. I still had sessions 3 – 4x a week but it was a "don’t hold your breath" kinda thing for me until recently. Nowadays the constant, undulating waves of pleasure all around my pelvis are enough to induce complete tranquility on demand. It seems to me that the farther along your journey you are, the less effort you need to put in. I agree though, it seems that you’re putting too much effort into preparation so maybe tone that down a bit. Now that I think about it, I never actually tried to relax in preparation for any session. What I did do was focus on relaxation during each session.

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