I was hesitant to relate this experience at all, but I decided that I learned some valuable lessons and thought I should share it. So here goes……
I have never had an issue with DE (that is delayed ejaculation or retarded ejaculation) until recently. For some unknown reason, I was not able to ejaculate, even when greatly aroused. Frankly, I have not had this issue before; I always was able to cum relatively easily and at my discretion. I don’t really know what changed, only that this symptom was beginning to be very frustrating not only for me but for my wife. We have had some great sexual encounters lately (something I missed for a while primarily due to my Aneros sessions) which ended in my penetration of her. But after a short while, it became clear that I was not able to ejaculate within her and began losing my erection after a not-so short period of thrusting. It was very awkward and embarrassing to say the least.
Always willing to research a “solution” I began to explore DE on the web. What I continued to discover was that most DE “cures” involved abstaining from masturbation, porn and other forms of arousal for at least ONE WEEK! OMG! My first reaction was “NO WAY”! But ultimately, I decided that this was going to be the way, however ‘painful’ it would be. An exception would be an occasion Aneros session which would (ideally) involve no penile stimulation. Further, I should masturbate in the presence of my wife (preferably with my other weaker hand) and later, she should masturbate me. Finally, when I feel like I am near the PONR, she should guide my manhood into her for my orgasmic release. Well, I had a ‘battle plan’ in place and was ready to put it into practice…….
Day 1 and Day 2 passed and so far, no masturbation, no ejaculation. It is feeling very different not having the power to control my penile orgasms. It was a strange and unusual feeling, one to which I was not accustomed. But I needed to solve this problem and decided to continue the course…….
I’m not sure about the exact timing or details, but I had informed my wife about my ‘plan’ and she generally was supportive of me. She had been frustrated for me as well but, honestly, her sex drive is nowhere near mine recently. This has been very troubling for her and she has been very vocal towards me about it. We had several lengthy discussions and it became more clear to me that my ‘DE problem’ really was a selfish issue about me. In all honesty, I suspected that my DE problem was not physical, rather mental. That seemed to be the growing conclusion. You see, I could generally get and maintain my erection easily but that drive towards ejaculation has been elusive and frustrating. There had to be a solution……I began to look at things from my wife’s viewpoint.
Women, it seems, need more ROMANCE and not only physical sexual stimulation for arousal. That is something that I believe must of us males kind of take for granted. At least I did. I thought that female arousal was just a counter-point of the male arousal: i.e., breast/nipple stim, clit stim, anal stim, etc. and that she would be ready for penetration. Was I wrong! Women (as we all know) are complex creatures and their sexual response is not so ‘automatic’ as for us males. This difference of opinion led us to further (lengthy) discussions about this subject.
It is about Day 4 (I believe) and I am beginning to feel a little horny. I expected it from what I read so I was prepared. One manifestation was an almost immediate erection whenever my wife and I cuddled. I can’t say that this was a bad feeling; it’s just that even after one or two hours of erotic tantric cuddling, I would not be able to achieve a climax and it was beginning to frustrate the hell out of me.
Day 5 (I believe) and I suddenly am getting VERY horny. I am getting a strange ‘tingling’ feeling mostly at the tip of my penis. But the unusual thing (and I read about this) was that I was beginning to think about SEX almost all of the time. In particular, I thought about PENETRATION more that anything else. I even told my wife that she probably will slap me but I wanted to rip her clothes off and FUCK HER! This ‘animalistic’ tendency was beginning to scare her and she told me so. I remember now that about Day 4 I was feeling unusually ‘animal-like’ in a cuddling session and she told me afterward that I was like a wild animal in bed! Although I took that as a veiled compliment, it left our sexual relationship still greatly unbalanced.
Day 5 (evening) and I decided that I would just watch a nice romantic movie with her and do a little cuddling which always feels so good. I made it very clear to my wife that I needed her help: I want her to take charge of me and ‘get me off’ whatever it takes. Essentially, like a ‘Do-Nothing’ Aneros session! I gave HER the ultimate power over MY ejaculation. So we started the movie, she cuddled up next to me and it wasn’t too long that she had my PJs off. I already had an erection and she began to lightly caress my scrotum while lightly stroking the underside of my penis! OMG! She has already hit the spot and has got me moaning! I am relieved; will she be able to succeed where I failed? Unfortunately, the answer was still NO! I again felt frustrated and so did she, but we continued to cuddle and ‘spoon’ a little. It felt so good…..As we continued to watch, I felt my erection building again and so I decided to take matters into my own hands and began to lightly caress my package (under the sheets) without her knowledge. This felt so good and I kept it up for a while, probably 20 to 25 minutes, but (alas) no ejaculation!
Day 6 (early AM) I am awake and feel an erection building. I decided to go for it. So (without any lube) I started stroking and caressing my testicles at the same time and (thank God!) I am feeling near the PONR! I have not felt this in about a week and was anticipating an amazing climax! Well it was amazing and felt so good; actually, I was a little disappointed that the quantity of semen was not what I expected but, hey, it was an ejaculation and it felt good! I noted a couple of things afterwards: there was more continuous ‘oozing’ of semen for about a minute or two afterwards and I began to feel a deep ‘ache’ almost like blue-balls but deeper into the groin area. Hard to explain but not as painful as blue-balls which I have had before. I decided to look online for some relaxing sounds.
What I found (and what I am still listening to) was an amazing collection on YouTube called “Melodic Chill Out Mix” for about an hour. I am cupping my package and feeling the amazing sensation.
LESSONS LEARNED: I discovered a lot during the last week. I discovered that sexual pleasure is not about just me and my ejaculation (to put it very bluntly). Even with a female partner, It is not about ME. It is about US. It is about helping a woman feeling romantic and wanted and able to fulfill her sexual desires along with mine. It is about intertwining our sexual selves so completely that we feel that energy whenever we are close.
I learned about the full range human sexuality: from unbridled masculine animal response to passionate, romantic feminine response and everything in between. That is why I believe human sexuality is so complex. We are not just all-male or all-female in our sexual behavior. There is a vast, nuanced area in between the two poles. That is what makes sex so intriguing.
Now I still have not determined if I will be able to ejaculate with my wife (or within her) but I believe I have taken a major step forward in exploring and breaking-down my psychological barrier to my DE. I think I ultimately learned that MY ejaculatory release will in the future have to be OUR shared sexual release between me and my wife (as it should be). It is not about ME. it is about US. Thus, OUR sexual clock has been reset.
PS I have decided to shave-off my heavy stubble beard (which I have had for about 2 months) since it interfered with pleasurable kisses for my wife! It now feels wonderful to be able to pleasure her all over her body! This has to be an improvement since a lot of people told me that the beard makes me look older – it is also gray! I am turning 65 next month and need all the help I can get at my age!