Chapter 7

It was difficult to leave the retreat campus that morning. The preceding days had been an eye opening – cock hardening cavalcade of sex acts and experiences that left me craving more. Moreover it was a demonstration of the mystery of the gender basis of my arousal. It clearly showed that my response to sexual ovation by men and by women is equal but can change from one to the other in hours. There are days when images of erections will inspire my own cock to turn to steel and ooze. The fantasies that drive my MMO’s at those times might be of oral sex on a guy’s cock or spooning a sexy guy’s ass in bed. Sinking into a fantasy of homoerotic sex will launch the chains of gripping pleasure that I crave.

Yet there are other times when it is the feminine mystique that entices me. At those times mental images of my lady’s downy vulva stirs a desire in me that not only makes my cock go rigid and ache with lust but also makes my prostate spasm with pleasure. The last several years my wife has been able to cast a spell over me whenever she wants, her feminine karma can wash away any homoerotic thoughts of cocks from my mind. I honestly believe in karma. Whether it is our time together or it is that we are so attuned to each other, I pick up on her most intimate mental inclinations without even thinking about it. she is a woman whose karma is very powerful, at least to me it is. I hope it isn’t to other men, although in fantasy the idea intrigues me.

The evening 5 days earlier when we parted at the retreat had a profound impact on me. Knowing that she was leaving for 5 days of having her sexy vagina plied by unknown penises, each one filling her hungry canal with his hot seminal cocktail was both arousing and anxiety invoking. The idea of her getting fucked by someone else is something that I have fantasized watching; the thought of her being fucked when I was not there was both arousing and nerve wracking.
Either way it inspired a profound desire for her in me. The sight of her getting in the car this morning for the drive home wearing a clingy knit blouse that outlined the elegantly feminine form of her tits and the rigid protrusion of her nipples, made my heart skip a beat and my anus pulse. I am nonplused that this elegantly sensual lady shares her bed with me every night. Thinking of her sharing that embrace with these strange men in her bed each morning for the last 5 days had been so difficult yet such a turn on.
The magnetic allure of her sexy body made my cock arch in aroused tension as the crystal clear expression of my arousal dribbled from my cock slit. The pervasive arousal she inspired in me resonated in me and soaked my underpants.
The other thing that these last few days made me aware of beyond the variability of gender appeal was my realization of the variability in my own sexual inclination. When the male antagonist pleasure provider in me dominates and I am wielding my elongated flesh covered steel spike, I need to be in the superior position so I see my cock sinking into her. I also need to access her clit and her nipples so I can induce her orgasm and see the highly arousing vision of her laying before me in dazed confused ecstasy, legs parted as she is impaled in anguished euphoria by my rigid cock. My control of her erotic experience inflames my own desire in those times. My attention is outwardly focused. I feel a craving to probe and feel the lush heat of her softness caressing my cockhead; that gentle sucking embrace creates a biological urge to thrust in her. The irresistible need to hump her until I release my cream in her is pervasive and difficult to resist. It is a primal desire to fuck, and heave my pelvis back and forth as I am inside her driving my cock in and out of her cunt; ultimately my thrusting humping culminates in my cock pumping a copious stream hot cum deep into her pussy. I experience intense relief and profound pleasure of release as I fill her pussy with cum.

There are other times when the feminine passive aspect of my sexuality dominates as when I am laying engaged in nude intimacy with a man. In this mindset I feel the need to be supine, facing him with my legs bent and parted exposing my pink anus to him submissively offering myself for penetration. My experience of pleasure then is not outward on release and ejaculative pleasure; instead it is focused inwardly on containing my sexual energy and savoring it inside my head while my anus becomes a receptacle for his cock and his semen. My arousal does not make me thrust in this mindset, instead it stills me, holding me down with the promise of profound orgasmic pleasure to receive his cock and shudder as my anal canal convulses on it in paroxysms of white hot electrical bliss. Immobilized it coaxes me to allow his penis deep inside me to stream his honey into my screaming anus as it inflames my erotic mind.

Erotic intimacy becomes even more complex for me when my desire encourages me to seek the penetrative protagonist role while my rewired sexuality craves the experience of passive pleasure of being penetrated.

As we wound our way home in the river valleys that wound between the mountains, we passed from village to village and the chat between us turned to recounting to each other what we had both experienced during the 5 days. The descriptions turned from being informative to being provocatively arousing. As I listened to her description of the men she had bedded my craving for feminine intimacy deepened.

We were in no hurry to get home, so we took our time on the return trip. Rather than using interstate highways all the way, we opted to take some state highways that routed us through some quaint communities with interesting shops. Meandering through flea markets and specialty food stores and hardware – general stores with fudge and smoked ham, it took us a long time to get home.

We finally made it home at10 PM tired but still aroused. I was like a parched man whose thirst needed to be slaked with a drink from the warm well of sexual intimacy between her thighs. I took my shower in the downstairs spare bathroom while she took hers in the bathroom in our bedroom. I was done first. When she came to the bedroom from the shower totally naked, I was there waiting for her. As she entered she posed for me coquettishly, teasing me as she looked into my eyes. She is a very shy and reserved woman but when she has a mindset to intimately tease me and stir my arousal she becomes just as alluring and sexually brazen as the most lewd exotic dancer. Elaborate sexy lingerie has never been much of a turn on for me; instead seeing her strut her pelvis in a vulgar gait ignites my arousal.

Once in bed we lay facing each other in a tender embrace looking into each other’s eyes; caressing each other’s temples, our lustful gaze turned into slow and soulful kisses. Her kisses have a powerful impact on me; cascading tender kisses from her can force me to release and have a full wet hands free orgasm. A kiss from a man will do the same thing to me. Trying to assert some control over the situation, I withdrew my lips before I spewed my load on her. With incredible effort I parted our lips and buried my face in the nape of her neck. Kissing and nibbling a special spot that I know on the nape of her neck I made her shudder and quiver. I knew it was also making her pussy weep with desire. As I stroked the soft skin on her back I kissed her chin and chest. I felt the drive to fuck drain from me. Yet my cock was hard and aching in its arousal, it was driving my anus to quiver and pulse.

I reached down and lifted her leg and up in the air and I shifted my body over her other leg so it was between my waist and the mattress. My sopping wet erection was now pointed straight up to her dewy pussy mouth. It required only that I shift my body forward a few inches to guide my cockhead to kiss her pussy mouth. Nuzzling my face in the crook of her neck I inhaled the sweet scent of her skin and a sensual perfume that she has worn for years. The scent of her crept into my nostrils and flipped a series of switches in my brain that robbed me of my will to cum. With fading determined I gently pushed my pelvis towards her and effortlessly slid my cockhead into her pussy mouth, forcing her lips to open to accomodate my shaft. Slowly I sank my penis into the silken wet warmth of her cunt. Kissing her neck as I did she quivered and sighed as she sucked me into the steaming hot pit of her femininity.

Once my cockhead was deep in her channel I could feel her hot honey lined cunt sucking my cockhead. Neither of us thrusted against each other, instead we just lay there in peaceful bliss with my cockhead extended into her tenderly touching her soul.

I relished the loving warm caress her pussy was giving my cock; she moaned in sweet satisfied bliss as she savored my penis. The deeply gratifying and intensely pleasant sensation of her vagina sucking on my cock penetrated my consciousness. It also relaxed her and drew her closer to me as she pressed her breasts against me. Stroking each other and giving each other butterfly kisses neither of us needed to fuck, we only wanted this special intimate connection. We both wanted and needed the same thing to be with each other as closely and mindfully as possible. Quietly we continued to murmur even more lurid descriptions of what we had done in the retreat. Leaving out no details the goal was to arouse each other to the max; it was working.

My left hand was in the small of her back; it drifted down to caress her derriere when my first wave of pleasure hit. The rush of sensation made my anus tremble as it forced it to open and allow the warm current of erotic bliss to trickle into me. The trickle of pleasure slowly expanded, opening my anus a little wider to let more pleasure in. Soon a torrent of ecstasy was flooding my anal opening, stiffening my body and making my anal tract and prostate spasm and gulp rhythmically. As the convulsive bliss tugged on my anus and squeezed my prostate ripples of rapture traveled down to the root of my cock. Suddenly I became acutely aware of the warm softness of J’s pussy sucking on my cock. Her soothing sucking was drawing the exquisite convulsive ecstasy down to my cockhead.

The sensitive cleft under the crown of my penis was wallowing deep in the tender wet grasp of her sex. It in turn was telegraphing pleasure to my cock root which was spasming in ecstasy sympathetically with my prostate deep in my anal canal. Her pussy mouth sucked and tugged on the base of my shaft like it was a lollipop; the sensation hypnotized me and lulled me into passive erotic nirvana. It was as if her loving pussy mouth was sucking all rational thought from my body through my cockslit. I was helpless as I drifted in a warm sea of erotic rapture. Waves of convulsing pleasure tortured my prostate and anus, me holding me in agonized ecstasy at the brink of reality.

I clung to her helplessly as wave after wave of richly colored multiple orgasms flooded my anus, pumping my prostate and making my cock throb and lurch in the firm grip of her desire. For more than 30 minutes I clung to her as my prostate pumped my body with echoes of orgasmic bliss. I was like a spider with my cock stuck in a web of her cunt; her venom was turning my insides to a pulpy mash of erotic sensation. As she held my cock in her and sucked me mercilessly, she sucked my being from me. With feminine guile she replaced all of my will and control with seething euphoria. I was helpless. With each salvo of pleasure my cock lurched inside her as her sensual allure numbed my brain. Her pussy held my cock tightly and deftly sucked me relentlessly leaving me hopeless and helpless in her arms.

After almost an hour of tender rapture the waves of bliss subsided. I descended back to reality. Her legs were wrapped around me holding my cock inside her as her cunt continued to suck it. My erect cock was still in the warmth of her cunt’s embrace. We kissed as I lay there in peaceful arousal, a fire of desire burning inside of my anus as my cockhead throbbed and twitched inside her. I was aching to cum yet I had been robbed of my ability to release my orgasmic cream.

She pulled her leg out from under me as I kissed her lips warmly. A few minutes later as we lay in an embrace of desperate need sleep mercifully claimed me in her arms. It was a couple hours later that she rolled over and put her back to me cradling my cock in the crack of her ass. Gripping my throbbing penis I could feel the wave of ecstasy starting to pulse in my anus again. Holding her tightly I gasped as the roller coaster ride of orgasms were about to start again. Holding her I pushed my cock into the warm groove between her cheeks and gave in to the thundering A Less orgasms. The waves carried me from peak to peak and with a pounding heart pushed me over the edge to cascade in chains of relentlessly pulsing ecstasy that lasted for another 30 minutes.

For a second time that evening a shroud of erotic rapture cloaked me and forced my thoughts to pleasures that we inundating me. My cock was oozing the slime of my ecstasy in her ass crack and the cruelly tender hand of MMO pleasure reached into my asshole again and taunted me willfully as it milked rapture from my anus. It was almost 4 AM and I was physically exhausted and spiritually empty.

Sleep claimed me again, this time carrying me through a dream world that was a lurid landscape of sexual depravity and vulgarly elegant fantasy. My dream played out every erotic fantasy and every lewd act in my mind. The sleep was deep cloaking me in a world that I secretly visited many nights when arousal unlocked the great heavy doors that allowed me to enter it. When I awoke late that next morning my cock was hard and my mind was steaming with desire.

Getting out of bed I went downstairs to my computer in the office in the front of our house. That computer had become my gateway to a world where sex, orgasm and anal proclivities for pleasure could be discussed openly and freely with a special set of friends and acquaintances that were separate from my real life. It was a new dimension of my life that I really came to value and appreciate. Of course sharing my thoughts, experiences and fantasies with these friends on line left my penis erect and aching and my pants soaked; I loved the desperate tension that extreme arousal exerted on me.

So when I got on line I began to seek out an on line buddy to chat with. I had the need to share the events of the last 5 days with someone. I have 5 or 6 special friends on line that I am particularly close to. A few of them I have actually met in person to actually play out my erotic fantasies and give them and me the gift of reality. So when I booted up my computer I went on a search with a hidden agenda that I might seek out one of the friends that I have who would be interested in some sex play. Fortunately it didn’t take me long. On a favorite site I frequent I found Sully, a long time sex chat partner. He and I had not only worked each other up to cock hardened desperation on line but we had met once for an afternoon of realized fantasy. As I talked to Sully I thought about his elegant penis in erection. +
It was 8:30 PM when I got back on line again. I had intended to work on a blog entry I had started the night before. It was an entry based on some thoughts I had; it was not relating an actual experience of the night before as many of these entries (and this one) are. I was a few minutes into the entry when my good friend T got on line and saw me logged in; he greeted me. I always love chatting with T. The topics of conversation run the gamut from our kids, to challenges of mid life, and yes sex. T is just as oversexed as I am so the chats tend to illuminate our erotic proclivities and similarities, of which there are many. I am totally rewired as a result of p orgasms and he is just in the early stages. Our chats are typically really arousing.
So as we wound our way thru a series of topics last night I challenged him to shock me with a sexual fantasy that he had that I wouldn’t have known he had. I have talked to him several times about the role that fantasy plays in my sex life; we do not always talk about his. Fantasy to me is more erotic when it involves someone I know and it is so outrageous that it would never happen. Those two things have been at the center of every fantasy I have ever had. After a brief pause he admitted a “shocking” fantasy that he had; in reality it was more arousing to me than it was shocking. His admission took him a bit of courage to verbalize.
It was then my turn. I took a deep breath and jumped in, admitting that one of my “shocking” fantasies was that there were 3 guys who were friends (one of which was him) that I fantasized about sleeping nude with. I went on to say that I thought sleeping nude with a guy would be so much more erotic if it was someone I liked and trusted and admired. I told him that it would be so hot to put my large, hot erect cock between his ass cheeks and spoon him in bed. I mentioned that I thought I would launch into MMO just as fast with him as I did when I do it to J. I admitted to him that intellectual and interpersonal intimacy provides a particularly alluring bridge to physical, sexual intimacy for me. The fantasy of physical intimacy with a guy was unbelievably erotic to me. Besides I admitted, my fantasy also involved fondling his package as I spooned him. I swallowed hard when I admitted it; I didn’t want to weird him out. Fortunately for me he was very humbled and touched by my admission. We can talk openly about everything and respect each other. I am very grateful for that.
We had chatted on a many occasions what good friends we had become on line. For my part there was an emotional bond between us that I felt when I talked to him which wouldn’t have to go too far to be sexual if I were to be indiscreet and exercise it, but I would never do that. Our bond would remain psychological; we were both aware of the emotional bond we had and felt the same way. So over these last several months I stifled any thoughts I had of real life intimacy with him and comfortably converted them to fantasy. Last night was the admission of that fantasy and I was nervous.
In addition to reassuring me that he was touched by my fantasy, he reminded me of something that I had forgotten. A number of months ago he embarrassedly admitted to me that he had an erotic dream about me and it turned him on big time. I suddenly remembered that. The conversation last night continued in a light and sexy tone. We had a great chat until 10:30 PM when we parted and I went up to bed.