Ok, so I’m not gonna go into backstory or yadda yadda, this will just be a step-by-step of what happened to me and maybe what might happen to you. I’ll go into some grody details, but I think they’re necessary, read at your leisure:
**So, step one**: Make sure you eat food that won’t gove you the “runs”. Stay away from prunes and beans and stuff like that. I ate cereal for dinner – because that’s how I roll – and a rye sourdough bread sandwich. (Grody details ahead) I went to the bathroom right before going to bed and I felt like I didn’t get all of it out, but it felt solid, plus it actually kind of already pushed on my prostate (Grody details over).
**Step two:** Get a LOT of Lube and insert your toy of choice. I used an Aneros Helix Syn Trident, but use what you have, or get the toy I used.
**Step three:** Relax. And I know you’re thinking “yeah I’ve tried that, it doesn’t work”. No no no, you need to RELAX.
Personally I have a Really hard time to just “stop thinking about things, but I relaxed my body, and then – because I’ve been watching Sexplenations on youtube – I decided to use a trick Dr. Doe is telling women: Distract yourself – read a book or something. I actually found that it helped me relax More counterintuitively enough.
I think it’s like when you’re trying to remember a dream; if you think about the dream, you’re pushing the dream away. Instead if you try to think of basically **Anything else**, the dream might return to you.
Personally I thought about a story I’m thinking about writing; I thought about the characters, their relationships, their height, what kind of pet they would have, what the city they live in is like. Think about something pleasant that makes you feel good and content.
**Step four:** let your body do its thing. I honestly didn’t even flex my kegels that much, it was like my body recognized that the toy was there, and started using it by itself – another reason to relax your brain as well: if you Think about the movement you might psyche yourself out. But it’s also important to let everything happen. Orgasms are a lot more fragile than it might seem. If I wanted to, I could probably have flexed a muscle and stopped the whole process.
I think a lot of guys are afraid/ashamed and trying not to be noticed when masturbating. I’ve done this myself; keeping as straight a face as possible, being quiet and just trying to “get it over with”. With “let your body do its thing” I mean exactly that: focus on the story in your head, exactly How Tall is the main antagonist? And if your body is pulling your face muscles to make a silly face, SO BE IT. No one is watching, it’s just you and the darkness, **actually allow your body to do what it wants to do.**
You might need to practice this, I know I had to. But being true to your animal nature is one step closer to being able to fully embrace the warm enveloping feeling of sinking into a mattress.
**Step Five:** give it time. I was almost falling asleep, I didn’t really consider the movement of time – because I was so relaxed, and almost half dreaming about my story – I didn’t realize that it had been an hour and a half. But in that time, I felt my legs shake, then relaxed, then my groin shook and relaxed, then my arms started flailing wildly and relaxed, then my shoulders started moving up and down and relaxed, then my neck started nodding at the night. And then my face started cramping up. Between the cramps there were times where nothing happened, but those times felt the best. That was when I felt like I could sink into the mattress.
That’s It! It’s taken me a long time to get to this point, I used to be really impatient, but honestly, this is what worked for me, so I hope my experience will be helpful to some of you. And if not I just also wanted to share my experience!
It’s 02:51 in the morning where I am, so I’ll go to sleep now. Good Night!!
Thank you lots for sharing! At first i though that getting distracted was a negative and detracted from the feeling so i beat myself up whenever i noticed myself wondering bout some other stuff. Will have to give this a try next time.
Thanks for this!
Could you speak to your level of arousal, and use of porn/stimuli? Assuming nothing for the latter from what you’ve written here. I read a lot about how important it is to be aroused before you start, which is fine but the “business” of lubing and inserting the toy often neutralizes this for me, and I think that watching porn has been giving me a cue as to the passage of time which leads me to fatal frustration (I’ve had 2 successes followed by months of regression and am really struggling to get out of my head, though what you’ve described might point to a better approach!)
So you hardly contract your muscles or anything?
I’m just starting out and I’m a bit confused about how much of that I’m supposed to be doing. I seem to be doing a Kegel every now and then just to confirm that the thing is still there!
Did you orgasm some days prior to your aneros session?