Writing this mostly to vent really, and also for help and advice. I go into some gross details so read at your peril. Hopefully the nice people here can pick out the problems or what I’m doing wrong.
To keep it short, I have been using my Trident on and off over the past 12 months for little to no results. My sessions often have days to months in between due to lack of motivation or not wanting to commit the large time investment to it, but as of recent I’ve been going at it more and more. I have only had one truly pleasurable session, but that was so far in the past now that it might as well have not happened.
I’ll section my process and shortcomings to make it easier to write out.
**Preparation:**
Currently I try to make time for a session after returning from the gym (I treadmill daily) and showering. I make sure to have a bowel movement 30-60 min before I douche with warm tap water using a rather large bulb I bought for the job. I used to fill this bulb as much as I could before douching which was a very big mistake. I would have an unpleasurable session, then find out when removing the Trident that I had residual poo water inside me. It was as gross and messy as it sounds. I figured that out, then started filling the bulb with very little water which ultimately stopped that from happening. Trident removal is now very clean aside from some lube.
I hear that some prefer not to douche, but I can’t see any good coming from this in my case. When I wait then douche, I always find at least some fecal matter was still there. I also sometimes have a problem where I’ll wait an hour after a bowel movement, only to have a smaller one after, which makes knowing if you are clean much harder and delays the whole process. Straining to “empty” yourself out also seems like a bad idea.
I try to refrain from masturbation for a full 24-48 hours before a session. I have no idea if this helps, but it usually just leaves me frustrated during that timeframe. Right now doing all the prep work for a session is a turn-off in terms of arousal.
**Lube & Insertion:**
I think I have this mostly right. I use coconut oil that I solidify in the fridge using some round ice cube trays. Insert that, give it a moment or two to melt, then lube the Trident with more coconut oil and insert that while standing up. Insertion doesn’t feel painful but it’s certainly not comfortable either, and remains that way for a good while. I don’t really know for sure if it’s inserted properly, but it doesn’t fall out when I use it and seems secure. I try to push it up to the hilt, but it then usually moves itself out a tiny bit which I assume is the natural position it should be in.
**The session:**
After insertion I quickly go to lie down on my bed, pillow under my head and another under my back for some elevation. Doors are closed and lights are off for minimal distraction. I lie on my back with raised knees and feet flat on the bed which has personally been the most comfortable position for me. I then try to relax, loosen my muscles, and focus on the sensation in my prostate area. I don’t do any contractions or any movements at all really. If things are going well, I’ll be able to focus on the area and feel a wavy “rising” sensation near the prostate. The feeling seems like a very minimal, barely noticeable form of pleasure, but also a step in the right direction. If there is distraction or if my mind wanders, it’s very easy to start “falling” away from this feeling and lose it entirely. I usually end a session if it’s been around an hour and I can’t regain that feeling, also my legs get tired. Dirty thoughts or watching porn doesn’t seem to help, seemingly switching my mindset back to penile pleasure instead.
My “truly pleasurable session” described above was from a long time ago when I was starting out. I was overcome at one point by a deeply pleasurable and long-lasting sensation that made me feel like I just discovered arousal for the first time again. A feeling that I can only match to when I first found out about this stuff as a teenager. That alone was incredible enough to let me know I didn’t waste my money buying a Trident and that this journey would be well-worth the investment. How did I do it? No idea.
After a session is over I’ll clean up then masturbate like normal due to wanting at least something to happen. I’ve masturbated one or two times with the Trident still inserted while sitting down, which resulted in heightened pleasure, but is probably a bad habit to form so I avoid using it that way for the most part.
I’m as of now trying to use it at least once a day (it’s been 2 in a row so far) in order to lessen the discomfort, otherwise I feel like I’m at a standstill. Will also continue to try and abstain from masturbation for now as it’s a personal goal of mine and may be lowering my mental sex drive. Any advice, questions, or feedback is greatly appreciated! Writing this past midnight so I might update this later if I missed something.
Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/aneros/comments/o6625w/one_step_forward_dozens_of_steps_back/
You already kinda answered your own question.
Your one session that went so incredibly well, the mindset was explorative and filled with curiosity of a teenager. This is exactly what every session should be like.
You also gave yourself a valuable hint, as you mentioned a tiny distraction makes you lose that feeling. That’s a skill that you can work on. I get that aneros sessions can be quite difficult to implement into a day as the time spend can be some hours. However you can train your focus in everydays situations. Just pick a spot on your body that you are comfortable with and focus on that point. You’ll notice a sort of tingly feeling at that location, nurturing it helps immensely. The more frequent you do that, it becomes easier to initiate those tingles and their intensity increases. If you lose focus that feeling will vanish (exactly like in the aneros sessions). Common tools for increase of focus are meditation and yoga.
Also i would not douche for an aneros session, it is not really required.
Now a few thoughts about your ego. Don’t get frustrated. Because really… think about it, is there any gain in frustration? All it does is reduction of relaxation and increase in stress response which makes it nearly impossible to feel pleasure (in a stressed situation). What really helped me was to really just smile if i noticed my thoughts going south, even if you fake it. Tell yourself that this was an awesome session and you are looking forward to the next one.
And lastly, don’t think you took one step forward and multiple backward. That’s just silly, this is not how learning works. In fact you are always progressing no matter what, learning is like a curve that has a tendency towards the top portion: ALWAYS. That’s a mindset you should adapt (in general, not just aneros). Less frustration and more relaxation. Remember we are doing it for pleasure, not for orgasm. Orgasm occurs when pleasure is at its peak. So orgasm really does not matter a bit, the pleasure is what you focus on. Also with prostate play there is no distinct point of “peak”, you rise and fall, with each repetition that peak reaches new higher highs and proportionally higher lows. Forget about traditional ejaculatory orgasms, they have nothing in common with what you are looking for.
What model do you use? Because there is several Trident. Maybe it would be a good idea to invest in one or two other models so you can change and, perhaps, find a better model for you. I have several Aneros Trident models and my favorite one is changing all the time.
Also, be grateful for any tiny sensation you have during the session. Say thank you to the Universe or your prostate for what happens during the session. And don’t forget that it’s an apprenticeship and that you make progress with each session even if you don’t notice. One day it will pay!
ETA: have you tried nipple stimulation? Because for me it an essential way to have orgasms.
I can mirror pretty much all the other comments but i’ll try to toss out some more specific recommendations:
> Lube & Insertion
Seems good to me but I don’t use coconut oil. I might recommend trying some actual water based lube instead to see if somehow your toy has limited mobility because of lube.
> I don’t do any contractions or any movements at all really.
Maybe try some. I’d recommend giving the mindgasm.net (first few are free) lessons a try with or without your toy. You can also try manually manipulating the toy with your hand to see if you can find a good spot, just be sure to be subtle and leave it alone when things start going.
> Dirty thoughts or watching porn doesn’t seem to help
Try something less explicit. Go on r/gonewildaudio and search for HFO. You could also try binaural beats although I’ve still not tried that myself. Instead of ‘normal’ porn find some softcore stuff, or maybe solo videos.
> I lie on my back …. my legs get tired
Try laying on your side. I tend to get better results that way.
> I’ve masturbated one or two times with the Trident still inserted while sitting down, which resulted in heightened pleasure, but is probably a bad habit to form so I avoid using it that way for the most part.
Nah that’s fine. I end sessions like that frequently. As long as you aren’t “looking forward to it” there’s no harm IMO… but as always YMMV.
> I’m as of now trying to use it at least once a day (it’s been 2 in a row so far) in order to lessen the discomfort
What discomfort? Using it daily isn’t so bad, but could be increasing discomfort if it makes you sore. Just be sure to give your self some time to rest after a few days in a row. Some here have also mentioned repeated use decreases sensitivity, so just be aware of what you’re feeling.
So, I wrote a really long post when i meant to have a short answer. I’ll leave all of the details below, but the I’ll give you the short version here in case you don’t care to read it all.
I’m right there with you man. I totally understand what you’re going through and 100% i’m convinced that you have the same issue as me. Your mind is your barrier. You’ll need to find your own way to get passed that, but I hope my experience can help you a bit. Basically [Mindgasm.net](https://Mindgasm.net) could be what you need if you haven’t tried it yet. Also stop masturbating. You’ve got to get to a point to where you crave the other feeling so much that masturbation is just like not even worth your time. Its really hard at first, but you can do it. No more porn either. Think spiritual and intimate more than sexual and practice without the toy.
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You’re in a really tough spot right now and I can totally relate. You want that feeling we read about all the time on here and you believe it exists, but you feel so damn lost on how to get it. I’m right there with you most of the time. I’ve had some really really good experiences, but most of time i end up falling asleep because I just ran out of time and energy for the day.
I believe that it is so difficult for some of us because of who we are. Me for instance, I have an extremely hard time shutting my brain down and focusing (like really focusing) and meditating. If i’m not tired at bed time my mind will not shut down. I can’t just listen to an audiobook or listen to music most of the time because my mind wanders. I’ll create scenarios and live them out in my head while i’m driving without even knowing i’m doing it. Its just what my brain does. So, when i try to have a session its really difficult to put all of my focus into it. I’ve learned that i have to have help.
I use [mindgasm.net](https://mindgasm.net) sometimes, which really really helped me get more of the concept and understanding down and I also use binural beats. These really help me focus. If i’m following mindgasm- i just focus as much as possible on following the directions. If I’m listening to the binural beats- i try to like almostt feel the beats while thinking about my wife pegging me. For me its like my “happy thought” we had an amazing time not long ago and it just felt so good that the thought gives me that tingle. Once i can feel that tingle I really focus in on it. Sometimes it goes away and sometimes it grows. You’ll need to find your own happy thought.
I would have never known to try these types of things without listening to mindgasm, but I don’t want to seem like i’m selling it too much. Basically i’ve learned that it is 100% necessary for me to dig deep into my mind while doing this in order to get any results. You hear about this re-wiring stuff and i thought it was nonsense at first, but im definitely a person that needed it. Its to the point and i’m so dedicated to this that i find myself constantly practicing all day. Kegals and binural beats. I find that the more i keep myself worked up with it. The easier that tingly feeling is to start up.
Honestly i haven’t used my aneros in like a week and i’ve had more pleasure than while trying to use it. Also, and added benefit has been that i have 0 desire for porn right now, which has been really sucky my whole life and caused issues in my marriage. Anyway I hope that this might help you a small amount and wish you the best of luck.