“Dissociation”

I haven’t gotten to a super-o yet, but I think I realized something interesting and was wondering if others have experienced the same.

I started using Aneros about 3 years ago. I started with the basic advice: relax and do kegels. I could feel it hitting my prostate, which felt good, but it never escalated into anything.

Then I did some reading, and found what seemed to be two contradictory techniques. One was the “do nothing” technique, which didn’t work for me, and is honestly a pretty frustrating set of instructions unless you are one of the lucky people for whom it actually works. The other was the technique that focuses on the two-different-muscle-group kegel contractions. After some practice I was able to get muscle spasms going pretty reliably, but I ran into a dilemma. Maintaining the spasms required concentration and slowly made my whole body tense up. This did not sound like the effortless, out-of-control experience it was supposed to be.

Then I tried combining the strategies: getting the spasms started, then mentally backing off and “letting the aneros do its thing.” When I did this, the spasms would keep going on their own, for a bit, but they always slowed down and came to a stop when left to their own devices.

Last night I tried the above technique while on 5 mg of edibles. I didn’t notice anything different physically, but mentally, something clicked. The best way I can describe it is “dissociation.” I would get the spasms going, feel them, and then imagine that something external to me was causing them or that they were just happening on their own, like *really* believe that, and then when I reached the point where I normally would start getting tense and tired, it was like my muscles found superhuman strength and just kept going. Somehow, my brain not feeling responsible for them allowed them to exceed their limits and keep going way longer than they normally would. The beyond-fatigued muscles started to produce some extremely good sensations… definitely not a super-o, but I think I’m finally on the right path.

I had heard about “not being in control of it” as an important frame of mind, but it never quite clicked until last night. I had thought things would start escalating on their own and then that would cause me feel like I wasn’t in control, but this was the other way around – I had to feel very distinctly that I wasn’t in control BEFORE any escalation could happen. And the feeling of dissociation/not being in control was local and specific to my prostate area. Or maybe that’s just the starting point, dunno yet.

Thoughts? Advice?