Second time using, I take back what I said yesterday

What follows is a long meditation and reflection on the orgasm I had this morning. It’s mostly a means for me to analyze what happened and how to steer myself closer to the intended prostate orgasms that come from proper use and habit with the Prograsm. Your feedback, of course, is welcome.

Had plenty of time to myself this morning and I took it for another spin. Relaxed, popped the Progasm in, and tried out a bunch of positions:

1. The classic laying face-down with one leg up
2. Piled some pillows up and lay over them, elevating my pelvis
3. Lay on my back, knees up

I also applied the lube differently this time. Applied to my anus with fingers, but poured a bit into my hand and then lightly cupped it around the Progasm. The result was a nice, thick coating that I’m sure was about to get squeegee’d off by my rectum but I had a thought yesterday that maybe it had a hard time moving around inside of me because it wasn’t slippery enough. I have a hard time reaching in with my fingers, if you get my drift. The dimensions of my body seem to be short arms, long torso, zero flexibility, and I can really only get my middle finger into the sphincter but not much further, hence the dependence on toys.

Position #1 produced an effect but didn’t really feel comfortable.

Position #2 produced an immediate effect. It was *very* subtle, but *very there*, if you get my meaning. I kept my consciousness focused on this point and gave it a bunch of pulses. I was hoping that involuntary contractions would take over at some point but they didn’t. Still, quite pleasurable. No complaints and definitely the baby steps that you guys suggested would happen if I let them.

Position #3 produced nothing unless I also jacked off but I’m trying not to do that.

I then turned back over and shifted into 2 Live Crew position (face down, ass up) and kept the pulses up and the sensation grew stronger, not much, but stronger. In time, I found myself moaning, rate of breathing increased, started to feel significantly more horny. My hips moved with the pulsing rhythm and I really got into it. The sensation wasn’t increasing but the arousal was and there’s something to be said for that. Guys like me tend to get caught up in a quickie, fast food beat-off habit that’s ultimately very bad since it seems to wire our brains for spontaneous-horny, boner, and then a rush to orgasm. I have a hard time coming when I have sex with my wife and I blame this awful habit for that. Current domestic conditions don’t leave a lot of room for intimacy: Busy work lives, two kids old enough to know what mom and dad are up to when the bedroom door is closed at night, a bed that squeaks so much that we have to fuck on the floor, mismatched libidos, etc. It sabotages sexual arousal cycles. The real orgasm experience comes from a combination of stimulation and arousal and I need to get back to that. Today was definitely a big step in that direction.

The sensation inside me may not have intensified, which I think is what I was expecting but didn’t receive yesterday. The feeling was like the pressure that I reported yesterday but this time I was in the middle of feeling like an animal where yesterday I was kind of feeling it out and trying to be aware of what was happening inside me. Letting go of being an observer and letting the arousal build naturally was key. It still didn’t feel like a growing orgasm or anything but that didn’t matter. I was enjoying this tremendously.

Weird note: At no point during any of this process is my cock hard. I actually seem mostly incapable of getting hard while the progasm is in and I’m not really sure why. I’m not worried about this or anything, jacking it still feels very good. It also manages a little bit of stiffness but I only if I work on it. Definitely something to look up later.

In this position, feeling extremely horny, extremely sexy, the pressure stayed consistent but didn’t seem to increase and I was more or less out of time for the morning. I had to log on and get to work. The plan was to come back at lunch and see where it took me. In the meantime, I put a loop of a performer that I find particularly hot on on the not-work workstation and rode the leftover arousal with the intention of maintaining a horny baseline until I could put the toy back in but this ultimately got the best of me and I probably won’t do this again. I lubed it back up and slipped it in and this time took to rocking on it in my chair which hit the spot and brought me back up to that animal-lust state I was in earlier. The pressure on my prostate was undeniable and every now and then I hit a spot that was *definitely the pleasure I was seeking*.

I was getting closer, for sure. The sensation built this time but I’d occasionally lose it and kind of come back down a bit in terms of arousal until I found it again. My prostate definitely swelled, too. Eventually I didn’t have to look for it anymore. I just continued to grind on the toy in my chair but I seemed to hit a plateau that drove me crazy. I couldn’t seem to get over the hump. If I lost the sensation I’d jack off a bit with the rhythm of the grind and doing this caused significant precum drip, which just elevated the whole thing. I was so fucking turned on at this point. There was a fairly steady stream of precum dripping on to the floor. But I was also frustrated that the orgasm didn’t come and I wound up taking matters into my own hands, jerked off with the rhythm and then HOLY SHIT. I came like a shotgun. There was an *explosion* of cum. As you’d expect, the orgasm felt confined to my cock, balls, and anus but there was much more of it and with an intensity that I’m not used to. There was also some pain, which I wasn’t expecting, an acute soreness at the head of my cock. Not sure what that’s about, but I’ll have to look it up. I don’t usually experience pain when I cum.

Ultimately, because I resorted to my hands, I feel like I failed this one. There were successes in there, for sure: great orgasm, signs of things to come in future sessions, but not where I wanted to be. I was hoping to resist using my hands but that feeling of being on the edge and my body’s refusal to tip over was driving me crazy. I felt like I was about to have a tantrum. I also wonder if the grinding was working against me. Anyone have thoughts on that? Felt fucking great, there’s no right way to use this toy, but I feel like the goal here is to get away from intense stimulation/instant gratification and get back to a more organic experience. That’ll probably come in time.