Had a 3-some with my life-partner this weekend, and was astounded as before that the slightest touch can trigger a dry orgasm in me, and that I can now have tens if not hundreds of these during sex. I have to warn potential new sexual partners in advance, lest they think I am having a fit or something.
The third person was lovely, but perhaps lacked enough experience to make the sex a true "conversation" – a set of 2 interactions (this being a 3-some with my life-partner) that were entirely mutual and reciprocated. As a result, the dry orgasms were fewer than I have previously experienced with my partner, and with a "friend with benefits". I am intrigued now to know what sex would be like with someone who had the same ability to dry orgasm. I wonder if the feedback and reciprocation could start a positive feedback loop that would escalate into new territory for us both? Isn't this the root of Taoist and Tantric principles?
Linum,
First, it's great that you and your partner have a bond special enough to allow others to share and enjoy.
To answer your question, to the best of my knowledge, starting a positive feedback loop does not necessarily require both parties to be on the same level. You could even introduce some energies into your partner and have the reaching heights new to them, and in the process feel the energy coming from them and into you as a bridge is built between you. This is a practice that a few of us here at Aneros engage in via chat and some through video chat.
The root of Taoism and Tantra to me is the acceptance and openness of both parties. There are many exercises in tantra that can balance the chakras, create kundalini risings, and also merge energy between partners. Aneros has been dubbed tantric training wheels because the key to success with Aneros is the same as it is with tantra. Don't force anything. Feel what's flowing around you and between you. Connect on a deeper level with your partner. Allow the cosmic forces and energies to connect you.
I'm studying tantric BDSM. While it may seem counterintuitive for a Dom to tell a sub what to do and to expect tantric energy to flow naturally, the two are quite interlinked. You may not have to go to the extremes of a true BDSM scene, but if you want to try tantric energy with a new partner, or a shared partner and your life partner, think of yourself as a coach, and guide, and give some simple instructions. You don't have to mention the technical tantra terminology for anything. Simple is better. Example: Sit on the floor legs open. Breath in imaging a blue and white light entering through your nostrils. Breath out imagining a red and yellow light leaving.
Just some simple stuff to start a flow. Then use your own energy. Feel the energy build in your hands. Sensually massage your partner. Rub the shoulders. Slide up and down the back. Connect. Allow your energy to become part of their skin. You might just notice their own energy building and growing. Feel that for yourself. You'll find your balance. Everything is equal my friend.
Even in a power slanted BDSM relationship, all are equal. The Master acknowledges the gift the sub offers in submission, and the sub takes great pleasure in giving the gift. It's consensual and equal. If not, then it is abuse. That's how BDSM works. The more I learn about cosmic energies, the more it seems that's how they work as well. There is a balance. It's natural and will occur as the flow allows. Just enjoy those moments with your partners as you would with you Aneros.
If you want more specific advice, please PM or find me in chat! I'm not the only one who enjoys this practice though. There are many of us. You are not alone or without guidance. If all of this is knowledge you already know, then just rejoice in finding a group of like minded sexual beings who enjoy just as much as you.
Please keep sharing your journey and practices. I look forward to seeing what happens next.
Thanks rikaaim – that was a very positive response, and much appreciated.
With a guy who is a "friend with benefits", I noticed that he started to give a response to my attention that was so much like having a dry orgasm, although he states that he has never knowingly had one before. I think this was all about the connection that we had, and the openness of that, and the exchange of energies that you mention. It was very profound.
I knew him for 15 years as a friend before we converted out friendship into one also with sex, and I think that is another reason why it felt so profound.
Tantra is something largely unknown to me at present, as is BDSM. All my comments come from my own experience, and observations. I'll do some more thinking about that, and probably get back to you if I may.
Linum,
I think it's great your long time friend and you have added another layer to your friendship. I fully believe there is a romantic love that is deep and true. It seems you have that with your lifetime partner. There is also a platonic love that is natural and genuine, but doesn't have to be the same as the romantic love. I feel platonic love every time I visit this site or interact with my friends. It's like the movie, "I Love You, Man". I think society keeps us from opening up to platonic love because there is so much fear it will overrule and ruin our romantic love.
If you and your partner can also open up your special bond to platonic sex, more power to you! I think that's amazing that you both have an agreement and can be happy and open to that degree. I can only imagine that your 15 year friendship has gotten stronger for adding the platonic sex into the mix.
I think that you have the right ingredients for success no matter what you're looking to achieve. You have an open heart and open mind. You're willing to experiment and try new things. Just have fun with it. You'll know what feels right. :( Please keep posting though. I'm enjoying reading.
rikaaim – thanks so much, for your kind words of support and encouragement.
Fear is so destructive – and we do our best to avoid it, for is has the potential to develop self-fulfilling prophecies. Life is just too short for such things. Honesty, communication, empathy, and trust are all attributes that one needs to foster an open relationship. Coincidentally, these are all attributes of loving relationships, of all kinds.
Big hugs to you
Linum