Author: euphemistic

My Breathing Meditation

Guided breathing meditation

)I've edited this blog after getting feedback from my Tai Chi teacher.(

I've started my sessions recently with this breathing exercise that I put together from several sources. I do it with any model aneros prostate massager. I like it because it gets me aroused from within without any stimulation. It may be of interest to men who have trouble getting aroused. I don't know if it will work for anyone else but me. Let me know if it works for you.

stage 1 oral breathing – to relax and circulate oxygen

Breathe into your abdomen relaxedly with your diaphragm, don't use your chest muscles.

With your mouth closed pull in air smoothly and slowly and gently through your nose.

Feel it as it flows down your throat into your chest.

Pause briefly, and then push the air out while saying"ahhhh" deeply so you feel it in your belly.

Exhale slowly and feel the air flow up out of your chest, up your throat and out your lips.

Pause briefly again and start over.

If you feel uncomfortably light-headed, slow down and take smaller breaths.

If you feel shortness of breath, take a deep breath and adjust your breathing so you're getting enough air.

Do this as much as you need to feel comfortable and natural doing this. Read more »

Song of Men

I like men. Not just because I'm gay though. I like men's spirit, style, temperament, everything about men. I think we are completely good. That's my attitude. Born good and good deep down, always. Sometimes it's hard for me to see the good in particular men because of the way they've been hurt and the choices they've made as a consequence. I like everything about men and about who I am. I like men's essential innocence, even when being naughty. Men are so sexy, whatever their orientation. And so into sex. I like men's individuality, even when connecting to me. I like our bodies, our form factor, our robustness. I like our inquisitiveness, our inventiveness, our imagination. I like the tone of our voices, low and comforting, especially first thing in the morning. I fondly remember my father's voice in the morning, sweet and low. I like being with men, all kinds of men, playing, working, chatting. Gay men for me are at another level of closeness of course. And I like women too, I like their differences from men. They're so different!

Sometimes I picture the young boy in the man. I feel sorry for all the hurts most boys have to endure while maturing. I think we are deeply but unwittingly abused by our parents, our peers, our culture, more or less. I'm talking about the universal expectation that boys have to be a certain way or else they cannot become men like their fathers. I remember when my father stopped holding me, the coldness of that loss. And I like our resilience when we overcome these obstacles to our humanness.

What a day

I could get used to this. Exchanged help with someone in chat by taking turns listening to each other at bedtime which made me happy. Many mini orgasms overnight and on awakening. Had my usual dose of monatomic white gold sublingual. Practice and a demonstration of exchanging energy remotely on chat this afternoon. Then someone reminded me that it's been a long time since last I jacked off and it was healthy to do it occasionally. I began another session, got into calm seas orgasms and some mini orgasms when I cupped my scrotum with my hand. This got my penis into the act unsurprisingly. What did surprise me was that I was feeling pleasure from both my penis and my prostate at the same time. I felt the pleasure of jacking off and having mini prostate orgasms at the same time, doubled my pleasure. My attention seemed to be balanced between the two, each one reinforcing the other. I had plenty of time to leisurely notice the orgasms leading up to the two ejaculations. I didn't know where this would lead, to a super O or to ejaculation, I didn't care which. I was just swimming in the orgasmic seas. I noticed that I didn't feel like ejaculating until I thought of my semen traveling up my penis and the muscles shooting it out. My body is still tingling. What a day.

Angels at the gate or aneros psychotherapy

something new came up during this afternoon's session. I was doing nothing, just aware of the aneros caressing my prostate and pleasuring me and doing the tantric breathing. I was just going along this way and the thought popped into my head that something else is blocking my way to more pleasure. When the energy of the tantric breathing reached my heart it transformed into mostly tears and some shaking. It took a while of sobbing, getting more intense and louder, to get to the root of the grief.

I've been anxious my whole life, probably since I was born. My mother and I almost died during childbirth. Then I was scalded with boiling water when I was a year old. I've always felt that I was different but when I reached puberty, I found out what that difference was. I immediacy suppressed that discovery until my 32nd year when I finally admitted to myself that I am gay. All this has kept me in a constant state of vigilance, hiding myself for my survival. I became like a chameleon who is constantly adjusting itself to blend in, to meet other people's needs, not my own. Consequently my ego is like putty, malleable according to who I'm with to an extreme degree. We all do something like this I suspect, but most people have a solid sense of who they are to fall back on. It's hard to explain. Read more »

More miscellaneus

Just learning how to "suck" energy up my spine to my chest, head and back down my chest/heart, abdomen penis and prostate. Feels like a hot or icy hot wave that follows my breath and my attention around my trunk, amazing. The base of my spine feels very cool, temperature-wise. Don't know exactly what I'm doing except Jmay talked about this sucking energy around before and now I understand what he meant. If I do this a few times, the energy seems to equalize throughout my body. This is fun to do! I'm riding the progasm of course while I'm doing this. Got to learn more about this stuff.

Still reeling after Brine's "primal" event last night, never seen anything like it. Men gathered around him )virtually( participating in his session, feeding his pleasure and being fed by it, me included. Like something out of a prehistoric men's society initiation ritual. Do I hear drums beating? Very powerful.

Miscellaneous

My best sessions are on awakening, I'm relaxed, breathing easy, quiet, focused on my body and ready to receive pleasure. These are asexual sessions which means I'm not turned on or stimulating myself in any way. I figure I'm aroused by the life force within me or whatever you want to call it. It's something that's with me all the time but is hard for me to access when my brain is engaged. During the day when I have a session, the force is with me but seems to be muted, I'm guessing because of mental distractions. I need erotic stimulation to access the orgasmic feelings during day sessions and even so, it's not the same. they're both wonderful, just different.

Tonight I experimented with a new lube administration, shea butter through a syringe and a butt plug. I got the syringe and plug combo from Rite Aide which they sell as a liquid medication dispenser for babies. I guess the butt plug is actually supposed to represent a nipple for the infant to suck on but I re-purposed it. It's a conical tip that one puts on the end of the syringe, and has a hole through it for passage of the med. It fits in my rear perfectly up to but not past the first sphincter. I take the plunger out, heat the barrel of the syringe in warm water, then push it into the jar of shea butter to fill it. Then I replace the plunger, push the butter to the tip, put the butt plug on the tip and it's then ready to go for my next session. The rest is self-explanatory.

less a blog

I rode the MGX all night and woke up periodically for mini orgasms and went back to sleep. Whilst I was in the bathtub this morning for my usual 1-2 hour soak and chatting with the guys about less sessions, I began to have one. But that wasn't unexpected. What was unexpected was I started to feel the same warmth radiating from the area of my heart that usually I feel coming from my loins! I was feeling particularly relaxed and really enjoying the company at the time. It felt like the onset of an emotion except different, no tears or shivers. Just a warm glow flowing from my heart through the rest of my body. I didn't believe it at first, I thought I was just feeling an emotion. I'm feeling it right now as I write. It reminds me of when I felt love but this was more general, like love of everything. now I'm getting a similar sensation of warmth from my head! what's going on? I haven't seen anyone describing this.

perhaps it's because I've been starved for men's attention for so long and now I'm basking in it. perhaps I'm in a high place looking down and feeling good about what I see. The warmth is now filling me. Maybe it's just that the orgasmic feelings are climbing up me and I'm not used to it. I don't know.

Later that same day… Read more »

my new blog

I was up til the wee hours chit-chattering my brains out with the most silly nonsense with dj and brine, the after-hours club. I finally closed the lid of my laptop thinking I would go to sleep. I was curious about how my body would respond to the severely modified MGX, no p-tab or handle ring. And how the Tantric prana exercises which I learned yesterday would affect me. So I played with moving energy around with no-touch, and with concentrating energy in my abdomen. I felt the prana or energy follow my no-contact hands like nothing I've ever experienced. It is a new super power for me. I'm reminded of a childhood dream about my grandfather walking around with his hands extended and rays coming from them onto the trees and plants. He was a great gardener. So I finally fall into a deep sleep and wake up at dawn, feeling very good. Wave after wave of sweet contractions with a rolling sense of pleasure, the most intense and longest series of dry orgasms yet. So this is what they were talking about! I still had to give the contractions a push start occasionally, but they kept on coming for hours. This time I felt the presence of some of the men here, thinking about me, caring about me, encouraging me, knowing me at some deep level. I kind of got concerned thinking that men were talking about me behind my back but decided that they meant me no harm. I've had some bad experiences with men in my life. I haven't much noticed this kind of presence before, mostly my own empathic feelings about certain men. Some of the men touching me I didn't even know. It wasn't a vision as much as a thought. I imagined what they were saying. At last I really needed to get back to sleep but found it impossible because of the pleasure. I took out the MGX with great difficulty because my ass didn't want to let go, knows a good thing. But the orgasms continued and seemed to be escalating the more I tried to quiet my body. I started feeling my ass, my anus, perineum, scrotum, looking for the"off" switch. Unfortunately unlike Data, I don't come with that feature. So I decided to just cup and hold my balls and dick, my old friends, which I usually find comforting. I was afraid my dick would get the wrong idea but he behaived and the orgasms slowly passed. I never did get back to sleep but it was worth it!

Today's Blog

Pardon the unoriginal if descriptive title. If I think too much it gets stale. Again these are my impressions from last night, less a session than just me, my life. I've decided that although my last blog entry wasn't perfectly what I might want, I don't care, this is mostly for me.

Again with the calm seas with one something in the middle, a kind of combination yawn, stretch, gasp, sigh, and mini O. What is it? But the real action was all inside. I realized that the elephant in the room is that what is going on here is I am getting acquainted with my inner life, my body, my sensations. This may seem painfully obvious to everyone but it's new to me, to be able to be focused on these ineffable impulses coming from my body in a natural relaxed way, for any length of time. I've always been inward-looking but all in my head, never my body. So this is new. Read more »

Today's Blog

Rather than describe what I did and felt, I'd like to describe what I was thinking and feeling during this session. I didn't have the time for a lengthy session but had vivid impressions that I want to put down while they're fresh.

After settling my body in with the progasm, I listened to Brine's 2nd recording again, comparing meditatively what he was describing and what I was going through, trying to follow his trail as far as I could. I like his voice, very comforting and masculine. I got as far as Pleasure Plateau, a nice intense place high in the clouds. On the way I shed some tears because it was so beautiful up there but I was weighed down with baggage from my life and couldn't get to the peaks yet. I shook a little contemplating what terrors I might have to face before getting there. I next watched some lovely porn of loving and sexy men together. Now I was even higher up the peak. I thought about the sense of total well being, of absolutely knowing that I am a good man and always have been no matter what. I thought about how this little piece of plastic was interfacing with my soul to bring up these incredible thoughts. I thought of all the men that I've gotten to know here and get close to )virtually but really(. I cried for some that are having a really hard time temporarily and my helplessness about doing anything for them. I cried for all the men who will never feel this contentment and ecstasy. I thought about writing a blog to describe all this.