ed's journey

well, i've had a lot of no advancement sessions and maybe even some one or two steps backwards sessions since the last post–tried cutting back the hot glue and also reshaping it–got feelings going but could never complete the loop to self generating feelings–very frustrating after thinking i had cracked it!–finally decided that the p-tab just wasn't hitting my spot and that the pressure on my perineum was too great–i discovered the post on the forum about external prostate massage exercises and after doing them i saw that my prostate responded better to soft, subtle poking rather than hard, aggressive poking, so i thought that this would be true for the p-tab too–therefore i removed all of the hot glue from the mgx and the helix and tried them again–success!– what i had been missing in closing the loop was the feedback from the external pressure on my perineum, just as i had thought–maybe it should have been obvious to me earlier cause i could generate the feelings i was after but could not get them to self generate–anyway now i could get the loop closed and now i had to learn how to start the feelings and how to control and vary them–i have always been greatly confused about contractions and complete relaxation and when to do one and when to do the other–now what is working for me is almost complete relaxation to get a little flutter going and then very, very light contractions to keep them going once started–also i can now use anal and pc contractions for different effects–after a flutter starts i can capture it with a slight anal contraction and place the prostate massager in different spots on my prostate to generate different sensations by varying the anal contraction to move the massager up and down my prostate–then when i like the sensation from the degree of contraction and the placement on my prostate i can use my pc contraction to "play a tune" that pleases me on that spot–different spots on the prostate feel different and different intensities of pc contractions feel different too–so using this and varying the frequency of the pc contractions i can find what i like and then maintain this pleasurable activity until i discover something else to amuse myself–if the feelings go away i simply relax as much as i can and then "capture" the next pleasant feeling that comes along with another slight anal contraction–in this way i can try to maintain pleasure and start pleasure almost as long as i want– i haven't gotten the out of control, i guess it's a super o, response yet but now again i feel that i am closer–last week i wondered if i would ever get here and so close–i can't say enough for those external prostate massages as posted in the forum–i do them in the morning, before getting out of bed and they make my prostate all warm and alive–they feel like the echos one has the day after an aneros session without the aneros–i recommend them to everyone–they will wake up one's prostate and get it conditioned for aneros activity–also they will teach one what to look for when searching for pleasant prostate feelings and where they are located–part of the learning process is knowing what you are looking for–this is hard as one needs to feel it himself and to identify it and then to see what controls it, and someone else cannot do this for you–today i had all the models in and out and i stopped several times and did other things, etc, and i was able to start again whenever i got back to bed–i inserted whatever model i wanted to use and took right off into my pleasure–i knew when something wasn't going to work and so changed the p-tab location and then i also knew when something would work and simply waited for it to happen–i think now i will know when simply lying there will be productive and when it won't–i used to waste a lot of time waiting for things that never happened and i think now i won't–also i think that now i can try a different approach if something isn't working–hope this helps someone