There are two parts to this entry. The first occurred without any model used at all at night as I was heading to bed. The second part occurred as I woke the next morning and several hours before needing to go to work.
The first part is more of an observation, and also an invitation for more information.
The other night I was on chat and several members were hopping in and out, several topics of conversation came and went, and about three or four hours passed in total. I was so drained from my 12th day in a row of working that chat was a much needed stress release for me. I was beyond giddy and silly to say the least. I think it was borderline delusional from working so much. At any rate, I was having a genuine good time.
As I went to bed, I was just smiling, thinking about how happy I was, just really full of joy. Thinking more about the long chat session and how much fun I had, I felt open and energy flowing. Not long I began to laugh and started to have an orgasm. It's much like an Aneros orgasm in that it was a dry-O, but not exactly prostate centered or penile centered. It was just everywhere. My body was shuddering and I felt the surge of sexual excitement run through me. I just let the wave of orgasm wash over me as I laughed and then went peacefully to sleep. As I was falling asleep, I recalled two things. The first being that I saw a similar experience occur to someone on the Tao Bums forum. They spoke of joygasms and open heart orgasms. Also, Lava makes mention on her blog that she often enjoys open heart orgasms from the benefits of Jack Johnson's Key Sound method for multiple orgasms. The more I open myself up to possibility, the more there is to explore. This sexual energy that coursed through me, if even only briefly, was stimulated and created by nothing more than a sheer enjoyable experience. There was nothing erotic or sexual about chat. There was no masturbation beforehand. I was just happy.
The second part of this blog begins the next morning when I wanted to use my Syn again. Having worked so many days in a row, I have been trying to "cram" in sessions. I still have a few enjoyable sensations, but since my last blog post, not much in the way of ground breaking. The fact that I haven't written a blog since then can really prove the motto, "Not much to write home about." This particular morning was different. I got my Syn perfectly lubed. In fact, it was so well lubed that I couldn't even feel it inside of me. I had to do a few strong contractions to make sure I was getting things going right. It was sort of like doing a systems check before take off.
This is mission control to anus, are we go for launch?
Turns out that all systems were a go as I started to feel wave after wave of slight, and building, sexual energy pulsate and spread. My erections were hard, then faded, then resumed once more. I felt the Syn dancing and playing inside of me, but on a level that was nearly imperceptible. It was until my legs were shaking, and the entire bed for that matter, that I knew I was really taking off again. Normally when I have a Super-O, I really kick my legs high in the air, I stay on my back, and I sway from left to right and rock with my orgasms. This particular morning, I slammed my fists on the bed, clawed at the sheets on the bed, grabbed the blankets around me and clenched down on them, all in a sequence of movements that spanned a few minutes. While my hands exerted their full force on anything nearby, including my own breasts, nipples, and ass cheeks from time to time, my entire body was rocking more than just side to side. I was doing near barrel rolls 3/4ths onto my stomach, turning on my back in several different directions, just letting go fully and slithering with the motion of my orgasm. It was like my body was dancing the external pattern my orgasm was leading.
I also say slithering because I was trying to focus on a kundalini rising at the same time. I was curious if what I was experiencing was creating enough energy to really allow me to open up in the way I've been wanting to. On a whole different level, I was participating in orgasmic and cosmic energy creation/manipulation. I can't say creation so much though. Because energy can neither be created nor destroyed, but its form can change. Well, the energy inside of me was greatly changing. I have been reading a book about tantric BDSM, which I've mentioned already, and the author says that she knows her kundalini snake. Her snake is a typical California Gardner Snake. I was amazed at how someone could know what "snake" they have as part of their kundalini rising. A few nights ago, I gained an image of mine. I was kind of scared to be honest. First of all, I don't like snakes. I despise eels. I get shudders of ickiness just thinking about them. However, this snake was different in my mind, and given it's type, I was surprised to say the least! The snake type that appeared to me was a viper! Why would a viper be my kundalini snake? They are filled with venom and poison. They are predatory. They attack. Even in defense they inject poison. How could that be a positive?
This question actually plagued me for a few days. I had to do more research into vipers and the different types. I noticed that they are intense. Their stares are deeply penetrating. They are always ready to strike at a moments notice. They seem to play mind games with their opponent until the time to strike. The more I read about them, the more I realized I did have a lot in common. It's these very traits that have caused me much grief in the past with my relationships. I wait to inject just the right insult at just the right time in order to subdue someone in an argument. Generally, this is done in defense, but I've certainly attacked this way as well. I constantly study people with intensity and veracity. So, okay, maybe the viper was my snake. What did that mean for this journey?
As my Super-Os subsided, and many were coming and going, in each "pause" I would focus on my energy. I would do this by feeling and getting an imagined visual of where my energy was flowing. Since I was young I could always feel my energy flowing into my hands. A few years ago, upon starting my Aneros journey, I began to feel the energy of my body split into its magnetic poles. I could actually tell which side was spinning the energy clockwise and counter-clockwise. The left side was counter-clockwise, the right clockwise. Even as recently as a few weeks ago I felt yet another level of energy perception. Having a great chat with a forum member, I could sense his energy all around, as well as mine, and in this immense which cloud of energy stood the two of us, as two full actualized shadow beings. We were in full presence together. This session brought on yet a new level of energy perception. This time I tried to embrace this "viper" and see what changes would occur.
As I began another Super-O, I imagined my viper starting its journey up my spine. It entered me after wrapping its way up my left leg. Once inside, I could tell how strongly my root chakra was energized due to the Syn already stimulating the prostate and base sexual functions. The viper basically by-passed that and went to the second chakra, the chakra of the sacral plexus. I wondered what a viper would to do enhance and charge a chakra in its rising. For a moment, it seemed as if we had a connection, and it was asking me the same thing. What should I do? I thought of the one thing a viper does. It sunk its fangs deep into my spinning sacral chakra and injected pure energy. It wasn't venom at all, but just essence. This became important later in my session. The viper began to rise and continue this process in all chakras, taking a moment in the throat chakra to express its own being. I was hissing audibly during my rolling Super-O. I was dancing with the vipers dance. We swayed in unison back and forth marching to the rhythm of the rolling orgasms. Eventually the viper moved up to the third eye chakra, and I began to see the dancing energy in the room around me. It was much like the other night, but this time I did not seeing specific dancing sprites. I just saw swirling energy. I stayed in this state for a few minutes just watching the curtain of physical reality dissolve into the energetic realm. The viper eventually moved to the crown chakra and opened up the rest of the way for me.
At this point, I had an experience similar to what fellow member Brine describes in his recent blog entry. I felt everything stop. All orgasmic energy stopped. All noise in my head stopped. Everything stood still. When it did resume, I was acutely aware of the world around me. I could hear people outside. I could hear the furnace run. Nothing was "background" noise any longer. It was all at the peak of my perception because my mind was fully open and no longer thinking about its own trivial matters. I was wondering if I would feel a Mit-O, as described by Artform, much like fellow member Brine had felt.
I don't think I did. I believe I felt something else entirely. I tried to perceive sexual energy on a cellular level, but my entire cellular level began to dissolve. Like the session with fellow members where our perception, our presence, was a dense, black shadow figure of being surrounded in a white energetic field, I was fully white this time around! I no longer had a "presence". I was just part of absolutely everything. My orgasms were so constant, so flowing, that I could not perceive any specifics at all. It was just totally encompassing. I stayed at this level for a few minutes. I felt every pleasure that seemed to reach out to me. Awareness was total. It was a truly unique, and total energy orgasm.
I returned from this orgasm, felt all my senses come back to me. Felt fully energized. I mean, my body was pretty much in a two hour cardio session, and I was fully energized! I felt no fatigue, no muscle soreness, nothing like that. I was as relaxed as I could be, as happy as I could be. It was an acknowledgement of the trust of kundalini energy as well as a trust that what I might perceive to be negative and scary, such as my snake being a viper, there is nothing that the universal forces of care and guidance will give us that will harm us in such a way. It was a gift. One made of energy, and one made of trust.
I was curious about why my levels of perception have been changing and why my snake took on the shape that it did. I came across this article which explained a lot to me personally.
I no longer feel my counter-clockwise, clockwise poles. I feel the energy rushing to my hands even more frequently now. I even have a greater sense of "total energy" presence around me most of the time. The article above answers why I feel that way. It truly was eye opening.
Good forum member and Rumel has said in chat, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." I must be ready for something, because so many answers are coming to me. I am beyond thankful.
One final bit, in the article above, someone asks, but what do we do with all this energy? The answer was to spread it and teach others. I hope I am doing that in my small part. I also found a second use for the energy I am given/changing. I keep wanting to maintain an open heart, but daily life keeps giving me reasons to get hurt. My normal response to this is to close up a little, create the same psychological barrier that we all do. Maybe I get snarky back with someone or frustrated. Yesterday, I tried a different approach. At work, a customer was getting angry about their medication/insurance/normal daily issues that plague us everyday at the pharmacy. I was feeling attacked, hurt, and frustrated. I did something different though. Instead of creating the mental barrier that steeled me against their assault, I created an energetic barrier of joy and happiness around my heart. I wasn't going to let that person make me as angry as them and bring me down to their level. The energy I have is mine to use, and I'm going to shield their negativity with my choices, my desires, and my need to remain open. This is just another lesson that I'm learning. Staying open, willing to try, it isn't easy. It takes courage, support, and others thinking your not a total fool. I'm sure some read my posts and think I'm just awol crazy. I'm really not. I'm perfectly feeling, and it may seem different to some, scary to others, and just plain fiction to most. At any rate, I appreciate this space where I can share my thoughts openly, regardless of how they are received. Even in my last sentences, they speak of fear, fear of being ridiculed and rejected, but I make the choice to proceed anyway. I hope if nothing else that inspires others to step out of their comfort zones and try something different, even if it's just making your first Aneros purchase and trying. I assure you, in this journey, we make walk our own steps, but we do so surrounded by those who walk by us.