How to overcome stigma around sex toys?

I’m 18M and in college so this is the first time I can get a sex toy discreetly. I want something different as masturbating with my hand is getting boring. I’m looking at the Aneros Helix Syn as my first toy. 

I’m apprehensive for some reason. I feel like I might be weird for getting a sex toy. I know there’s nothing wrong with toys. I just feel like there’s a stigma around men using toys for pleasure and that stigma is stopping me.

Has anyone else felt similar before buying their first toy?

Also, how has using an Aneros toy affected your non-prostate orgasms? I want to explore because I’ll be a long distance from my GF, but I still really want to enjoy regular orgasms. Does it “ruin” your enjoyment of “regular” orgasms? I’ve only seen one question about this, so I just wanted some more opinions.

I really appreciate your responses!

-also posted on /r/sex for more answers



  1. Guy who was also worried here. I had never even set foot inside a sex shop before buying my Aneros (Didnt want to wait for shipping). Plus I’m married, and while I love my wife dearly, she is not the most sexually adventurous.

    First, yeah there is a stigma with guys and sex toys, just like there is an assumption that if you enjoy your prostate you must be gay. Thats all dumb. However, the people who know you might surprise you. Only two people know I have my Aneros: my (conservative) best friend and my wife. My buddy thought it was funny (“You bought a butt plug?”) but was actually pretty cool about it. Wasnt his thing, but he didnt judge me.

    I was far more worried about my wife, who was extremely understanding. When I showed it to her we had a long talk about how it felt (“Wait…your regular orgasms dont give you tingles all over?? Just focused around your dick? That sucks.”) and about me using it, and about how if or how it could effect our sex life. It was awesome. Now I can say Im going to go “lay down” and she is cool with it. Very awesome.

    As for sex drive: nothing has changed! To be honest, I was terrified it would kill my drive or attraction to my wife for some reason. Couldnt be more wrong. It DOES make me desire more Aneros time, but I can easily still get erections and have traditional orgasms without problem. Depending when my last session was, they can even be more enjoyable!

    I totally get the insecurity, but I dont think you have much to be worried about! Aneros sessions are extremely pleasurable, but they dont (for me at least) kill your sex drive when you’re done like a traditional orgasm. I finish, feel warm and glowy, maybe a buzz on my prostate, and could still traditionally cum if the need arose.

    Hope this helps! Best of luck on your decision!

  2. I completely understand this, I felt the same way for the longest time. There is a stigma associated, and I still don’t feel I’d be comfortable talking with anyone else, which is a shame, as I definitely get the impression that women are much more able to discuss the merits of sex toys, amongst friends, partners and even to a degree family. It is my opinion that this should change, in the end all we’re talking about here is people enjoying their bodies in ways that work for them, why should it be uncomfortable or taboo?

    I overcame it internally by just saying to myself “why should women have all the fun?”. I enjoy masturbation, why shouldn’t I, it’s my body, and by the same token, if there are things I can use to make that already pleasurable experience more intense and enjoyable, why shouldn’t I? So I now have a small, and growing, of toys, and am eternally glad that I overcame the internal resistance. My personal time is far more enjoyable now than it ever was, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

    I’d just like to see the cultural changes happen that allow adults to talk more openly about these things, without fear of judgement.

  3. Forget about the “stigma” Women use toys and men can too. You aren’t hurting yourself or anyone else. Do what feels good to you.

    I have an aneros but have not been able to find the big O yet. Do your thing.

    Be discreet if you have a roommate. In the end, it’s your business, nobody else needs to know about it.

  4. I’ve never been one to be insecure or self-conscious of my sexuality, but I too had a tough time not feeling uncomfortable when I started trying to find and stimulate my prostate. I’m very secure in my heterosexuality and it had never crossed my mind that prostate play would carry a gay stigma… Every guy has a prostate no matter what their sexual preference.
    What I finally figured out was that I simply feared other people’s ignorance of the subject. Once I got comfortable with exploring this type of stimulation, I realized that I couldn’t care less what anyone else thinks of it and I wouldn’t want to be with someone who would be judgmental and closed minded about something that would bring me such intense pleasure.
    I now have an amazing wife whom is not only supportive of my prostate play but love to help and watch me get off. We very frequently will spend hours on hours in bed together watching porn and putting on a show for one another.

    TL DR: Your doing this for your own pleasure… Nobody else’s opinion matters and anyone who would be unsupportive shouldn’t be privy to such intimate details of your life.

  5. Life’s too short man. You don’t have to tell people about your sex toys, so fuck ’em. If someone *does* go digging through your stuff, they *deserve* to pick up something that’s been up your ass.

  6. I was actually with a woman that, while she understood I like some anal play, she was still a bit reserved. So because of that, my desire to buy an Aneros was a bit secret. I hinted at wanting one, and while she supported me, she definitely wasn’t enthusiastic about it, nor did she really want it to be a part of our sex lives. That behavior certainly made me feel like it was wrong.

    Then I started dating someone else, and my fantasies started coming out. She found out I had an Aneros, wanted to try blowing me with it in, having sex with it in, etc. She was open to me buying a strap on kit, and has since pegged me multiple times.

    I guess this is my round-a-bout way of saying the stigma is only there because of the people that surround you. If you try searching pornhub or bing or anything for pegging, it almost always revolves around sexual humiliation. It’s never a guy willingly being pegged by a seductive woman.

    You just have to remember that it feels good. If you like having something in your anus that makes you have super powerful orgasms, and after that, you still want to have sex with a woman, that’s normal. And if you like having something in your anus and after you want to have sex with a man too, that’s normal.

    Basically, enjoy…

  7. I agree with everything said here.

    That being said, you might want to have your aneros sessions in a time and place where you can be guaranteed to have privacy, knowing that you might be make noise unexpectedly or something like that.

    To have any effect from it, you’ll need to (as I’m sure you’ve discovered if you’ve read a lot of posts from aneros veterans) approach it with a completely different mind set. Like, a COMPLETELY different mind set. A lot of the stuff I normally like in standard jack-off land is completely irrelevant in aneros land, and vice versa.

    The number one predictor of enjoying my aneros is 200% predicted by the extent to which I am relaxed and completely non-judgemental of my experience, my thoughts and my body. It requires a lot of free time at first and might be difficult to pull off in a dorm unless you’re guaranteed a weekend with your roommate away visiting family or something like that.

    Good luck, and props on your adventurousness 🙂

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