I’m not sure if I’m just too scared or?

I’ve had a knockoff prostate massager for about 6 years (Divine touch by Shots toys) which was great and really got me into the whole prostate massaging thing, then a few months ago I finally got around to purchasing a real Aneros and decided on the Progasm Ice. This really (obviously) kicked things up a gear and with all the practice with a cheap toy, the real massager has taken me to ridiculous levels in such a short space of time. So much so that every time I get a new higher level feeling I think “It can’t get any higher than this” and it always does. However, with the pleasure being that high and still feeling like I have not ever achieved anal orgasm, wet-o or super-O that I think Subconsciously I might be holding myself back out of fear of feeling that much pleasure for some reason. As If I’m going to fall off the bed or scream too loudly or something.
Does anybody experienced remember how they felt mentally before reaching their very first super-o, anxious, excited or otherwise? And how did you overcome any fear? Really appreciate your wealth of knowledge on here. Thank you!