Just a little heart broken

So after realising weed and poppers were a short cut to the Super O I’ve been working on calming techniques and recently managed several super O’s with just meditation breathing and the do nothing technique… I was thrilled and amazed. Ok it takes longer than vaping a little weed, but it’s awesome to do this stone cold sober.

And now my wife say’s she finds the whole thing ‘ick’ and thinks I don’t want her. Which is odd given we still have an active sex life and she’s previously been supportive of my quest or at worst neutral. Kind of sucks to find someone you hoped to share this with finds something so wonderful (to me) ‘ick’.

So we’ve talked. At length. She isn’t asking me to stop. But she doesn’t want me doing it when she’s home (which is a major block on play time as she’s almost always home). She doesn’t want me to talk about it either.

I view this as controlling behaviour and while I am not angry at her I am deeply saddened by her U turn. And quite hurt. I really don’t want to wind up resenting someone I’ve given 20 years of my life to – and I also don’t want to give up Prostate orgasms.

This whole Aneros journey I have been open and up front about what I was doing and why because I thought it was important to communicate and be honest. Sigh. And now she has this sort of unspoken expectation that I should give up this joy and be solely happy with one and done penile orgasms.
Which is a big ask when you’ve experienced 90+ min of non stop PGASMS….maybe she thinks such multiple O experiences should be for clitoris havers only.

Sorry – I’m probably in the wrong forum for this. I just needed to vent a little.

Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/aneros/comments/ooal0v/just_a_little_heart_broken/


  1. Sound more like she is insecure about you finding such great pleasure outside of you and her having sex.
    No idea what to suggest. Get her on a date night or a sex filled getaway weekend or something to show that she is still very desirable.

  2. You are not alone, at least you have a sex life. It may take awhile for her to accept and may have to do with it being anal. The Aneros forum has great information and a couples section.

    Good luck

  3. Nah we’re here for you man. Definitely the right place. Just another struggle that i’m sure everyone here is glad to help you work out.

    You never know maybe taking a break from it is all she needs to see. Don’t give her the impression you’re stopping forever, but that you’re willing to do it for her. Could be a bad time for her for some reason. Just a season you need to get through.

    What if you approached from a different angle after some time. There are still other intense things you could do together that don’t involve the but. Edging? Like for a week straight. You’ll be so lovey dovey on your wife (hopefully she likes it) that she’ll think you just met again. Tell her you wanna get her off every day for a week if not multiple times but that you’re going to wait. … just sort of spitballing here.

    Maybe some time to reconnect without this but stuff might be what she needs.

    In the mean time. Edge yourself too. Go completely Aless for some time maybe weeks. It will build up. When you do finally get some time it’ll be so much better that you won’t mind the breaks you take for you wife so much.


    Anyway best of luck to you.

  4. That’s a shame. I’m not as far along my journey as you but you have shown a lot more courage than me. I have been battling with my conscience to open up and discuss my prostate play with my wife. I want to be honest but am mindful of a reaction similar to your situation. I don’t have any sage advice but hope it works out. I guess it will come down to communication. Is there something that she is really passionate about? Maybe you could frame it how would she feel if she had to stop that activity because you asked her too. I empathise

  5. Sorry about this my friend. My spouse has always been supportive of my aneros journey. At least he knows where I am it and what I am doing. As for the poppers & weed it is always certain I am going to experience a super o. Never fails .

  6. I’m sorry to hear that. This does feel pretty controlling and it’s very disappointing. I have experienced the “ew, ick” response to a few things and it does hurt a bit.

    I tell my wife that I’m experimenting for the Super O. When she says “I want a Super O,” I always tell her to come on up as well. 🙂

    But it’s a shame that there was such a drastic course direction with your wife and I hope that, perhaps, it’s something that can be talked through.

  7. I’ve seen plenty of your comments here and you amongst the other guys who have had success are a massive inspiration. For those of us who want to be able to feel more, it’s amazing to know there are guys who can and do. It hurt me to think I was put on this earth to experience a limited sexuality, but it’s been amazing to realise that’s not actually true. Even if I haven’t yet got to pgasms, p play has been a healing journey for me.

    Your wife can’t appreciate that you’ve learnt how to fulfil your sexuality in a way that 99.9% recurring of all men that have ever existed have never and will never do (at least in the modern day). That said, I _hope_ she doesn’t realise the significance of that.

    You are perfectly within your rights to feel hurt and I’m not sure there would be any other way to feel. Imagine for a moment we told our women their bodies were ‘ick’ because they bleed from their genitals every month. I’ve actually reassured girls I’m with in the past that I think their bodies are amazing and they shouldn’t feel any shame associated with that. It’s very poor on her part to shame you for something beyond your control – it isn’t our fault god put our G spots there!

    And you’re right, it is controlling to put limitations on you like that. Imagine if you told her she was never allowed to touch her clitoris and was only allowed to have you penetrate her, she could never masturbate when you’re in the house etc. It’s so wrong.

    I wish I had advice for you, but all I can say is please don’t give up on what you’ve achieved, I’m sure everyone here understands where you’re coming from.

  8. You should have an open conversation with your wife. Collect your thoughts and feelings and prepare them in, “I feel” statements (ex “I feel like you have an unspoken expectation…”) It is usually better not to suggest they are insecure (even as an “I feel” statement) as this usually makes shut down and get defensive. It’s better to get them to come to the realization themselves.

    We (society) are (usually) raised to believe that sex with our spouse is the most pleasurable sex we will ever have. We (men) are assumed to find penile stimulation the best thing ever contrast to women who can prefer clitoral, vaginal, or even anal (r/AnalOnlyLifestyle) orgasms. Finally, women are conditioned to think it is their responsibility to sexually satisfy their husband and that failure to do so is their fault.

    So instead of men having the freedom to choose their own sexual preferences in pleasure, they get pigeon-holed into either choosing penile stimulation or being perceived as though something is wrong with them (see being a gay bottom as “bad.”)

    If you can get your wife to understand that not all men have a preference towards penile pleasure, assuming they should is misandristic, and that it’s not her responsibility to give you the best orgasms, she may come to see her own insecurity.

    You can try the g-spot vs clitoral orgasms anology, but that won’t be effective if your wife hasn’t experienced both.

  9. One of the effects of the Aneros for me is an increased sex drive in general. Playing with it can get me in a state where even mild stimuli like very tame porn drives me wild and triggers major P waves. Perhaps you could try incorporating it with your partner as an enhancement to sex rather than focusing purely on Super Os. Try experimenting with making prostate play less of a solitary experience so she can share some of the benefits, even if that means it might be less good for you at first since it’s out of your practiced routine.

    But I’m just a random idiot spitballing on the internet, don’t listen to me lol. Best of luck to you.

  10. Just checked in – wow, thanks guys. Awesome support.
    I’m not giving up either on the wife or Aneros. No way.

  11. Sorry to hear about the negative reactions, I hope you can work with her to get to a better place.

    I’m (47m) very new to my Aneros, but I’ve been playing back there for years, mostly by myself, but also with my wife (45f).

    Not long ago I asked if she’d be willing to learn to milk my prostate, which she was open to try, but not keen enough to research and work on, the way I can get excited about a project. Before long, this turned into trying pegging, which we had tried and abandoned 5 yrs ago. Pegging may not be for everyone, but we both loved the physical and the emotional components of it. I decided I really wanted to achieve p-gasms while she’s penetrating me, for a better experience for both of us, and I figured the best/quickest way to get there is for me to learn how to do it myself first (there’s my project seeking self).

    Between my Aneros and an NJoy wand knockoff, I understand it may take a while, but my explorations should also complement the pegging as I learn about how my prostate and ass work along the way. In a related vein, I recently told her I want us to work on giving her a g-spot orgasm and/or squirting (never done either), and she was very open to it. The wand should help with that as well. Again, who knows if we’ll get there, but at least we’re trying, and I’m excited to be doing so together.

    I’m the adventurous experimental one (that applies to most of our life/relationship) but fortunately she is generally very game to come along with me. I’m trying my best to tie my explorations to her, as that ends up being the most satisfying, but also doesn’t leave her feeling left out.

  12. See, this perfectly illustrates my strong belief that society is terribly misguided for thinking that sex really has anything to do with love. It doesn’t. People can pretend that it does all day long but at the end of the day, sex is about getting your rocks off. If it wasn’t, people wouldn’t do it.

    My point is that your wife has been brainwashed by society to believe that sexual desire equals love, and that if she’s not the one giving you 100% of the pleasure, then you must not love her.

    Does your wife have any toys that she uses on her own? If so, throw that back in her face.

    She sounds a bit immature and definitely controlling, but if there was some way you could convince her that sexual fulfillment from her doesn’t make or break how you feel about her, she might be put at ease.

  13. Could the reason to the reaction of your wife be an unbalanced time management. The aneros way or the prostate way needs plenty of time. Couple sex is in general not a time sucker. Try to spend more time with your wife. u/RandomOptimus pointed in this direction.

    Talk to her and might be, you could integrate your prostate play in the couple sex life?

    I discovered by aneros play, midgasm and some other topics how to achieve multiple orgasms while having sex with my wife. It’s a great change in our sex life. Might be, this could be an argument to convince her?

  14. For some, masturbation is personal and thus something you do on your own. I wouldn’t take offense to her asking you to keep it to yourself. Respect her wishes and things should go back to normal.

    You don’t have to share everything as a couple.

  15. You should learn to have Super Os through penile stimulation. Or get a new wife. LOL

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