Author: euphemistic

A rest stop adventure

I wrote this a year ago with a series of 3 porn stories to use as aids to my arousal when riding. They were all remembrances of real events. Turns out they were fun to write! I didn't intend to post this here but by popular request )thank you @Neros( I am finally posting it. Enjoy…

I heard about how sex goes on in the woods behind rest areas from friends. This was in the 80s when no one heard of AIDS or safe sex. I had just come out at 32 yo and had sex with a few men and liked it. My boy friend showed me a lot but I couldn't relax enough to let him fuck me. He was very gentle and considerate but couldn't penetrate my tight ass without me complaining of pain. I guess he gave up and we drifted apart. Not because of that but I had other issues, too needy, etc.

So back to the rest area. I was feeling horny and scared driving into the suburban rest area off of US 84 in Connecticut. I had seen men entering and leaving the woods on a path many times before and taking too long to be just peeing. I had tried to imagine what went on there, Tom of Finland fed my imagination. It was summer and warm and the sun was shining. I watched several men go in while I sat in my car. No police in sight. Didn't see anyone resembling Tom's men either. Just ordinary men. I sat there for a while feeling queasy. I swallowed my pounding heart, emptied my mind as if I was just going to the woods to take a leak and shambled vacantly into… Read more »

Another twist in the road of my journey – late July and early August

Since this is more of a journal I'll be updating my experiences semi-regularly. Skip to the end of the blog for the latest entry.

I found that I had unintentionally hijacked the topic in the"weed" forum discussion with my Salvia Divinorum experiences and thought that my descriptions of my experiences were more appropriate in a blog. So here it is. I'll keep updating it as I go.

June 25
salvia divinorum looks interesting; quick acting, short duration, not addictive, meditative affects, no hangover. I'm going to try it.

Wikipedia says "Mazatec shamans have a long and continuous tradition of religious use of Salvia divinorum, using it to facilitate visionary states of consciousness during spiritual healing sessions.[1] Most of the plant's local common names allude to the Mazatec belief that the plant is an incarnation of the Virgin Mary, with its ritual use also invoking that relationship"

June 26
Here's a poetic description of the Salvia Divinorum experience from the Pharmako/poeia by Dale Pendel:

"It's like a mirror with no frame: some don't see it at all; some do, but don't like what they see.

It's like cat paws, soft cat paws pressing, or like a bunch of bird tongues lapping the mind. Or like tiny fingers, the way ivy fingers reach out to climb a wall . . . Read more »

Emotions and orgasms

Some things I've learned about my emotions and helping others heal emotionally

• Need a sense of safety to feel emotions
• When safe enough, emotions come up to awareness and can be accessed
• The presence of someone who is trusted and comfortable with witnessing emotions facilitates the expression of emotion
• The safety of the setting facilities the expression of emotion
• The contrast between the safety of the setting and the lack of safety during the emotional hurt facilities the expression of emotion
• The contrast between the reality of our wholeness in the present and the insult to our wholeness in the past facilities the expression of emotion
• The contrast between the pleasure and sense of well being of multiorgasmic experiences and painful experiences facilitates the expression of emotion
• Have to let go of restraints so the emotions can physically express themselves
• Let go of ego
• Let go of fear
• Let go of social conventions
• Let go of expectations
• Let go of the rails at the top of the sliding board and slide down effortlessly , uncontrollably, wheeee!
• Letting go for expressing emotions like letting go to experience orgasms
• Emotions and orgasms are bodily expressions
• Emotions and orgasms are mediated throught our subconscious
• Sobbing, shaking, teeth chattering, violent vocalizations, crying, laughing are the physical manifestations of emotion
• They seem to come from our bodies where they are stored
• They seem to run for a while if allowed and then subside with some relief of tension
• Many thoughts may occur while they are running or no thoughts
• The thoughts may help to understand what the emotions are telling us
• Effort and intention is needed to understand
• Sometimes they tell us things we don't want to hear
• Sometimes their meaning is obvious
• Several emotions can run at the same time
• Their message can be hard to understand
• I don't worry about understanding them while they are running, I just observe and remember
•I often can't understand them afterwards
•I may understand them later
• Emotions may associate with painful memories, beautiful experiences, joyous experiences, connection with our true core essence
• The pain of feeling the emotion in the safety of the present isn't as bad as the original experience
• The pain of feeling the emotion is less than the pain and stress of holding it in Read more »

Another twist in the road of my journey

I found that I had unintentionally hijacked the topic in the"weed" forum discussion with my Salvia Divinorum experiences and thought that my descriptions of my experiences were more appropriate in a blog. So here it is. I'll keep updating it as I go.

June 25
salvia divinorum looks interesting; quick acting, short duration, not addictive, meditative affects, no hangover. I'm going to try it.

Wikipedia says "Mazatec shamans have a long and continuous tradition of religious use of Salvia divinorum, using it to facilitate visionary states of consciousness during spiritual healing sessions.[1] Most of the plant's local common names allude to the Mazatec belief that the plant is an incarnation of the Virgin Mary, with its ritual use also invoking that relationship"

June 26
Here's a poetic description of the Salvia Divinorum experience from the Pharmako/poeia by Dale Pendel:

"It's like a mirror with no frame: some don't see it at all; some do, but don't like what they see.

It's like cat paws, soft cat paws pressing, or like a bunch of bird tongues lapping the mind. Or like tiny fingers, the way ivy fingers reach out to climb a wall . . .

Some say it is a sensual and a tactile thing. Some say it's about temporality and dimensionality–that it's about time travel. Some say it's about the Root Energy Network, or that it is about becoming a plant. Read more »

What Mantak Chia says about sex between men and being a gay or bisexual man

(I’ve been reading Master Mantak Chia’s book “Becoming a Multiorgasmic Man” and found this section on sex between men that was so important that I’m quoting him at length here.

Yang and Yang For Gay Men

China, like all civilizations, has long acknowledged the practice of homosexuality. Historically it was called lung-yang, after the name of a fourth-century B.c.prince’s male lover, or tuan-hsiu, “the cut sleeve,” recalling an emperor who was said to have cut off his sleeve to avoid waking his sleeping lover. Although sexual relationships between men were at times condoned and at other times discouraged by the imperial court – no doubt depending on who was sleeping in the royal
bed – Taoism has never condemned homosexuality. Taoism avoids condemning any part of human sexual experience, since it is all considered a part of the Tao. Rather, Taoism tries to teach people how to stay healthy, whatever their sexual preferences. Gay men simply need to know the practices that will help them have satisfying and healthy sexual relationships.

Can’t Stop Till I Get Enough

A gay writer and activist was doing a radio interview about his book on life in the pre-AIDS bathhouses, where gay men often would have numerous sexual encounters per night. When asked about whether the desire for multiple sexual experiences is characteristic of gay men in general, the author shot back that it is characteristic of all male sexuality, but that straight men are usual y constrained by female sexuality. If, he continued, we really want to see what male sexuality is like, uninfluenced by female sexuality, we just need to look at gay men. Read more »

Encounters with remarkable people

What is internet chat? Real time verbal interactions between people that can influence the minds of both in sometimes surprising directions and can potentially change one or both. Usually it's just fun banter with a natural rhythm and sometimes amusing chatter. Or boring. Occasionally I get the extraordinary encounters when I least expect it. Someone will slip into my heart somehow and I'll fall in love or feel a connection or emotion coming from them, or they'll feel an emotion coming from me. Sometimes I'll feel them physically touch my body, usually sexually but not always. Rarely I feel someone's negative angry energy. The actual talk can be about anything but acknowledges the extraordinary connection going on and calls for more presence of mind and focus. I've always remember doing this in face to face encounters in the past but have been too shy and insecure to fully participate. I would usually use my knowledge of our connection to hide behind their expectations of me and disappoint both of us. Now I can be fully present. They still surprise me and can make me feel nervous but I can better deal with that. I was a moderator of a discussion group for years and got to know the chatters from their words and my impressions as well as actually meeting some of them. It was a reality check. This was a group of people involved in a emotional healing technique of discharging emotions physically. I got to know and like many of these people and felt connections to them that have persisted. So I'm used to reading between the lines of chatter to the essential person. Some of my most remarkable encounters here been with a pair of individuals who are lovers and sought me out for some reason. I get powerful but different beautiful physical, emotional sexual reactions from both of them. I'm always surprised the next day when I remember our encounters. I fell in love simultaneously with someone else here once that surprised both of us. That was about the time my heart chakra was opening but that's another blog. Then there are the many private chats with people that leave both of us feeling a connection that's real. I think of the many guys who coached me in aneros and who I coached. There's a special place in my heart for them. I like the light touch of the typical banter as well. Of course there's nothing like being physical present with someone, being close enough to touch and be touched. Sometimes that's even too much for me but I want and need it all the same. What am I talking about? If you have to ask…

Breathing meditation – revised

Guided breathing meditation

(I duplicated this entry because I edited it and wanted it at the top of my blogs. this meditation is similar to kundalini circular breathing)

(I've edited this blog after getting feedback from my Tai Chi teacher.)

I've started my sessions recently with this breathing exercise that I put together from several sources. I do it with any model aneros prostate massager. I like it because it gets me aroused from within without any stimulation. It may be of interest to men who have trouble getting aroused. I don't know if it will work for anyone else but me. Let me know if it works for you.

stage 1 oral breathing – to relax and circulate oxygen

Breathe into your abdomen relaxedly with your diaphragm, don't use your chest muscles.

You can put your hand beneath your navel to remind you and guide your breath to your belly.

With your mouth closed pull in air smoothly and slowly and gently through your nose.

Feel it as it flows down your throat into your chest.

Pause briefly, and then push the air out while saying"ahhhh" deeply so you feel it in your belly.

Exhale slowly and feel the air flow up out of your chest, up your throat and out your lips.

Pause briefly again and start over. Read more »

Coming out

I've been thinking about how I came out as gay at 32 years old recently. I noticed in chat how straight people don't understand what an earth shaking event it is to initially acknowledge yourself as gay. Some people come out early and some later but is it always a big change in how we think of ourselves. I cam out after 32 years of being afraid of that side of me that is sexually and emotionally attrracted to other men. And it IS an emotional attachment as well as sexual. That's a lot of fear. What made it possible for me to come out was a gradual bonding with people I trusted, who respected me and wanted the best for me. I was at a weekend workshop in the country with the peer counseling group I belonged to then. The purpose of the group was to exchange roles listening to the other one and eliciting emotions that may be blocking our developement. Anyway I was sitting under a tree with a young man holdiong hands )this is how we counselled each other( and taking turns telling our deepest secrets. At some point when I was getting his attention, I noticed how good I felt with him, safe enough to feel attracted and NOTICE that I was attracted. I did not tell even him but I thought to myself "this means I'm gay". I had not thought this )that I am gay( in years, since I was a teen, and had immediately shut that thought out of my mind for decades. I was not ready to look at that side of myself. I had been living a sexless life, nominally heterosexual, dating off and on since. I took this thought to an older woman friend in this group and asked her to listen to me. She was the first one that I told. She held me for more than an hour while I shook mostly and cried, trying to process this. I felt like I had died. I felt horrible. I understood why some guys killed themselves rather than face this. It's a new identity that I was handed and I could choose to accept the new identity or continue to live a lie. Some choice! Read more »

things to come?

Hopeful-MMO posed an interesting proposition, "If Every Man Had an Aneros". Here's my take:

men would discover a new world of bliss.

men would learn to understand and appreciate their bodies.

women would be grateful.

there would be more"wanted" babies as they got control of their sexuality.

families would be stronger, more loving, more sexual.

men would be less"productive" until they had explored themselves.

then they would find new ways to be productive, more meaningful ways.

straight men would be more understanding of gay and bisexual men, and some would be curious.

boys would grow up knowing about their bodies and learn not to be as competitive and aggressive.

gay men would be completely accepted.

new industries and culture would develop organically as the men understood what they really value and make it real.

the arts would flouris and be valued.

like the middle ages when troubadours brought the joys of romantic love to people who were under the yoke of religion and social obligations, a new kind of love would revolutionize the culture.

until then, the lizard brained elite would fight this trend as they see their profits and wars go away.

some of the elite would come over to our side and use their power to promote the new men. Read more »

This and that

I've noticed that for me the butterflies in the stomach can mean either I'm aroused or I'm scared. If I focus on breathing, I can either calm myself down or explore the arousal. Yesterday I tried for the calmness but got the anxiety instead. There was nothing sexual at hand and I was being hit by bad vibes )from my spouse while I was driving tho car LOL(.

I don't know why the body energy thing isn't discussed much here. To me it's at least as important as multiple prostate orgasms.I am using my hands to move body energy around and to stimulate contractions. The energy feels like a feather that follows my hand if I hover it an inch or so over my skin. The energy that starts contractions is more powerful, like a mild e-stim. This is totally amazing to me and seems like magic but it's real. Maybe you have to experience it to understand it. I wasn't interested until I was shown that I could feel it.

I'm at a nice plateau now, calm seas for a long time, and learning new things about myself every day. I feel trapped in it sometimes when I become jealous of other men having super Os on the first day. I try to believe that if I continue exploring, I'll eventually land in a super orgasm. I'm learning to trust my body more. But seeing someone experiencing a super orgasm scares me, IDK why. Read more »