So the jouney of a thousand miles begins with single step. Today I began my jouney with a good session.
so close…..
Last night I felt like trying again. It felt as if something had changed. I had identified guilt as a possible cause of my blockage and was determined that I needed to enjoy myself and not care what anyone else thought, so even though I didn’t know if my wife was asleep I started to build the feelings and sink into an orgasm.
I didn’t have an orgasm despite an hour trying with and without the aneros. It did feel good, and I was close for a long time, I even felt the sensation of falling into an orgasm starting twice the first one within minutes of starting, a real pleasurable orgasm, different to the weak watery orgasms I have had in the last week which were more just like a release of muscular tension without any pleasure waves. But they didn’t actually happen. I didn’t quite fall over the edge, in fact I think I was a bit nervous of it. It felt a bit like trying to start a petrol engine, it fired a few times but never actually got going on its own.
I don’t feel totally devastated about this as I might have done a few days ago. It was actually good and I can feel something lifting. I regard it as another step on the journey and I feel that I can be patient because I really think it will happen again.
Additional external prostate stimulation while using an Aneros?
I've been occasionally using an Aneros for approaching ten years and enjoyed it despite getting little more than a few P-waves. It's very likely that it's the mental side of things that's holding me back; I'm anxious and controlling at the best of times and on an anti-anxiety SSRI. It's likely that I would probably have much more joy if I could relax while using it, but I haven't found a way to do so yet. (Solutions involving trees, even if they were legal in my jurisdiction, hold no interest for me – and perhaps it's hypocritical for me to be OK with taking Citalopram when I'm not prepared to consider anything more herbal, but that's an argument for another time and another subreddit.)
In a session today, when reasonably aroused and making the usual deliberate contractions to move the Aneros, I found I was able to trigger some light involuntary contractions by applying a vibrator to my stomach at the base of the penis (i.e. very close to the shaft of the penis, but not actually touching it), presumably giving the prostate additional stimulation through the bladder. Sometimes I've used traditional penile masturbation techniques to reach the point of no return, then stopped and applied indirect pressure to my prostate that way to get me over the edge; it's probably as close to the hands-free orgasm that I so crave as I'm going to get.
Golly! That crazy gizmo really works!
Yeah, that night last week was pretty weird. It's a week later now, and I can't really see the reason why that was. Several of my experiences with prostate massage have been colored by temporary apprehension and uncertainty. That's not a bad thing. You don't make progress if you never leave your comfort zone.
The a-less orgasm is the worst tease I've known. I can get it started with some consistency, but my skills are not strong enough to maintain it or really crank it up. The times when an a-less glides into a few contractions or jumps to an abdominal clench are nice surprises. My a-less experiences are taking a path remarkably parallel to the path my a-full ones were taking just a few weeks ago.
My sessions are steadily becoming more satisfying by introducing a little auto-foreplay. I like to start with some porn, encouraging an a-less orgasm to simmer, and, if it wants, surge to a gut-busting spasm. I resist inserting until a few drops of pre-cum dribble out of my cock.
Last night was the best session I've had yet. I've been hesitant to use the “super-O” label for myself. I figured that was for people who'd worked much harder than I have–people with skills much more developed than mine. I have no doubt last night's session qualifies. Several prior sessions would have qualified, in fact, but last night's was all that and a bag of chips.
Not sure what to call this one
This now feels slightly out of place in a blog about using the aneros, but the journey started when I opened that box, and it has taken me in a very unexpected direction.
I have read about spiritual awakening and I can recognise a lot of it happening in myself. I am letting it happen to me. Emotions and thoughts keep washing over me. I imagined myself telling my father that I loved him )it's complex( and broke down in tears as I drove into work. It struck me how similar it was to having an orgasm, the process was out of my control, my breathing seemed to push it further on and my body convulsed slightly and I felt a tension being lifted. I didn't crash. There is some circularity to everything that is happening now.
After this morning it all went quiet. I had a calm day at work. There's probably more to come I just need to wait.
Then I read more about chakras. I'm still slightly confused about them. My friend knows a lot and is keen to guide me, and she knows people who know even more. I will be asking her for more guidance soon as things progress.
Concentration & Abstaining
I should probably mention again that my blog only really receives entries on new developments. Given that I'm somewhat at the end-point of my journey, it's less and less apparent that new sensations and heights come up. But hey! Great sessions nonetheless.
Otherwise there has been a new direction I've taken on my approach to orgasms, these past few weeks; focusing on fantasising. Just admitting this brings a tinge of dirty and reclusive guilt. Still, I think all men use fantasy one way or another.
How the gears turn for me is that I focus on a mixture of sensations and fantasy. It's a dance between the mind and body. Now, the Aneros has been out of commission for roughly a month now due to continuing issues with the ass — and will continue for at least another. In response, sensations have taken a back seat. I have been concentrating a lot more on maintaing a fantasy in the brain, without breaking focus. The side-goal here is to get a hands-free wet orgasm. )HFWO(
It's lead to some of the most INTENSE rush of orgasms yet, though fantasising wasn't the ticket by itself. Abstaining for a few weeks from ejaculation had built up a lot of my arousal, so naturally that has to help.
More thoughts
I’m going to analyse again as I'm still blocked.
This experience has touched me deeply. I feel as if I have triggered something very profound.
I was sent to boarding school at 13 and bullied badly, I was made to feel worthless and had no friends for years. I have felt very angry with parents for letting this happen to me ever since, and never resolved that feeling. I remain as angry with them now as I was 30 years ago.
I coped by studying hard and becoming a doctor as I wanted to help other people, and by starting my own family so I can look after my children, give them lots of love, and never let them experience the pain I experienced at the hands of the bullies. I work hard. I exercise obsessively at times. But I have never resolved the underlying issues around my bullying and my relationship with my parents. I felt like crying about this as I drove into work this morning.
I have had low self esteem and probably mild depression all my life, and find it difficult to form close relationships. I appreciate that I have done well and succeeded in life in every way except for this. I have a very loving wife and children and couldn’t ask for more.
Unique Sensations
I was born and raised in New York City. At 9 years old I learned how to use the city bus system; at 10 I learned how to ride the subway and figure out where it took me. From that point on the greatest city in the world was my oyster. Almost every week from 10 until I was 18, I used the magic carpet of the subway to take me to some new neighborhood, street or destination in the big apple.
For all the hundreds of places I was in the City in those 8 years and the hundreds more that I have been there since then, there are still many, many more that I have yet to discover and visit; it’s a large city and there are thousands and thousands of neat places. Even today when I go to NYC I am always finding someplace new and exotic to experience that I have never been before. The complexity and never ending opportunity to experience something new in the city is a great metaphor for my experience of aneros driven anal pleasure.
I have been writing about my experience of Super O, MMO and anal pleasure for years. The result is hundreds and hundreds of entries. Yet despite the similarity of approach to start them each session is as different as two people are; each session deserves its own description and appreciation.
Aneros and hypnosis?
Has anyone tried some type of erotic hypnosis with the aneros? I haven't had luck with my progasm, but I've felt like it has heightened my arousal. Same with erotic hypnosis – I've been using Isabella Valentines jackpot series. Has anyone combined the two and had any success?
Still blocked
Things got worse.
Its been several days now since I have been able to 'cross over' into an orgasm. I can still bring on good feelings but I'm getting less and less inclined to even try now because it's so disappointing and I expect failure. Today I have only tried a couple of times. I have posted on the forum and had some reassuring comments but it's my problem and no-one can really help.
I have been very low about this. The last time I can remember feeling anything like this was when I split from my first girlfriend and I had huge pangs of loss seeing anything that reminded me of her. I feel like that reading about peoples successes on here or when I think about my experiences last week. That alternates with feelings of positivity that I can do it or simply just trying to forget about it.
This is truly psychological. I can do everything else and get so close I'm actually slipping into an orgasm but my mind sabotages it every time. I get to the point of starting to shake, I feel as if the feelings are spreading, I keep breathing into it, and last week and would have been off on a super-O, now I have a feeling that it's not going to happen and it doesn't.
I have lots of theories for why I am blocked, or it could be a combination: